Raj: Okay, you wanted the truth, here it is.
Anu: You have a drinking problem.
Raj: No. I, uh, I have a talking problem, and a drinking solution.

Anu: Sorry, I had to use the facilities. With a bottle of champagne?
Raj: Mm, I like to celebrate the little things in life. You need to go? There's still some left.
Anu: Raj, what is going on?
Raj: No, no, it's not what's going on, it's what's comin' off.
Anu: Stop it. You're acting weird, and it's freaking me out.
Raj: Why? Because I couldn't talk and ran in the bathroom to slug back a bottle of champagne when I pretended to pee?

Raj: Oh, Anu, for most of my life, I got so nervous around women that I couldn't talk to them without alcohol.
Anu: So you've been drunk every time we've seen each other?
Raj: No. No. It hasn't happened in a long time. And I really thought I was over it, but I guess I don't know, I guess I wanted so much for tonight to go well, that I stressed myself out. It came back.
Anu: Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Raj: I was embarrassed.
Anu: I get that.

Raj: Oh, my God, oh, my God, she just texted. She's on her way up!
Penny: Raj, calm down. You got this.
Raj: Yes. Thank you, thank you. I got this.
Penny: Just remember, the most important thing is to have fun.
Raj: Stop putting so much pressure on me!

Anu: Hi. [Raj gestures as he's unable to speak] Everything okay? Why are you acting so weird? Raj? [Raj walks into the bathroom with a bottle of champagne] What's going on?
Raj: [champagne cork pops] Be right out! You look beautiful!

Penny: Look, she's probably nervous, too.
Bernadette: Yeah, what if you're great and she's bad?
Raj: How can she be bad?
Penny: Raj, women can be bad at sex, too.
Raj: (laughs) No, that's silly.

Penny: Yeah, Raj, you're gonna be fine. Just break out some of your Kama Sutra moves.
Raj: I don't really know any of that stuff. I just pretend I do to impress women. And by the way, Anu is Indian, she's gonna know there's no sexual position called a "screeching lotus."
Bernadette: Screeching lotus?
Raj: Sometimes I get leg cramps. It's my cover story.

Anu: Are you worried?
Raj: I am not worried. If anything, I'm overconfident. Edging into smug.
Anu: I'm sure it's gonna be fine.
Raj: Oh, it's gonna be better than fine. Trust me, I've had no complaints.
Anu: Good to know.
Raj: Well, I've had questions, comments, some constructive criticism, (snorts): but no complaints.

Raj: Oh, I am stuffed! I should not have eaten all those dumplings.
Anu: I think we should have sex.
Raj: Me, too.
Anu: Yeah, it's just, we haven't done it yet, and I think it's important to make sure we're compatible before we get married.
Raj: I totally agree. Oh, just one question. While we're doing it, can I leave my shirt on? You know, the dumplings, pretty salty.

Anu: It doesn't have to be tonight. How about this weekend? I can get us a room at my hotel.
Raj: Okay. Sounds nice. We can order a bunch of room service, because I'm not eating anything between now and then.

Sheldon: Can I feed peanuts to the elephants at your wedding?
Raj: That is such a stereotype!
Sheldon: There won't be any elephants?
Raj: Of course there'll be elephants. It's a stereotype that you feed them peanuts.

Raj: Thanks for letting me come over and hang.
Howard: So Leonard still hasn't made a decision yet?
Raj: No. And I've really been laying on the guilt.
Howard: Did you break out the sad eyes?
Raj: You mean these bad boys?

Leonard: Well, Siebert put me in charge of handing out the last bit of the administrative funds, and I have sole discretion.
Raj: Ooh! Looks like Christmas came early. First thing on my list is a golden umbrella, 'cause Leonard's gonna make it rain!

Bernadette: Hey, Howie, can you give me a hand? I need to get some work done, and the kids are climbing all over me.
Raj: You know what? I'll watch them.
Bernadette: You sure?
Sheldon: But I was just about to tell everyone why they're called Pennsylvania Dutch when they really hail from Germany.
Raj: Yep.

Raj: Oh, this is amazing. I wish I had a playhouse like this when I was a kid.
Penny: Really? You never had a playhouse?
Raj: No. I mean, my dad did buy the house next door for us to play in.