Raj: So, what are you guys doing later? Stuart and I were thinking of going out for a drink.
Stuart: We're gonna try to meet some girls.
Raj: 'cause that's what we do.
Stuart: Watch out, ladies, a little coffee and cream coming your way.
Raj: In case you didn't follow that, I'm the coffee.

Sheldon: Hello. I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
Raj: It's one of his best moves.

Howard: I can't believe you pulled this all together overnight.
Raj: Uh, if I had more time, I could have gotten the Blue Man Group. One of them goes to my dry cleaner. Who, by the way, hates him.

Raj: I'm telling you, dude, there's a seat on the Hogwarts Express with your name on it.

Howard: (Cell phone rings) Excuse me. That's my girlfriend, Bernadette. I assigned her her own ringtone, Bernadette by The Four Tops. Hello, Bernadette.
Raj: When I call him, his phone plays Brown Eyed Girl. Which, now that I think about it, is not so good.

Howard: Uh-oh. They gave us plain rice instead of fried rice.
Raj: Well, no fair! I SoulCycled this morning. I'm entitled to a pile of fat rice.

Raj: No, no, no, no, no. Uh, Aunt Orange can't sit next to the bar without Ms. Pink saying, "Jesus thinks you've had enough whiskey."

Leonard: She's gotten really hooked on Age of Conan, she's playing non-stop.
Raj: Ah, yes, online gaming addiction. There's nothing worse than having that multi-player monkey on your back.

Raj: Guys, it's under "Things to do this weekend."
Amy: I can't find it. What does it say?
Raj: That it's a thing to do this weekend.

Raj: Wow. I bet that made Penny take off all of her clothes. ... Put her pajamas on and then go to bed early.
Leonard: At, like, 9:00.

Howard: I don't want to be the one who breaks up the band. You know, maybe you should think about replacing me.
Raj: Okay.
Howard: I mean, I know it'll be hard since we-
Raj: Oh, I bet Bert could do it. He plays guitar. I'm gonna go ask him.

Sheldon: Smell that? That's the smell of new comic books. Oh, yes!
Howard: They're on me today, boys.
Raj: You're paying? Have you been selling your sperm again?

Stuart: Uh, hey, Leonard, can I talk to you about something?
Leonard: Oh, sure, what's up?
Stuart: Remember I went out with your friend Penny a couple weeks ago?
Leonard: Yeah, vaguely.
Raj: Sure you remember. You went to the bar and made a fool of yourself trying to pick up strange women.

Raj: If you really want to clean up your karma, go get my freakin' latte.

Raj: Howard, wait. Why don't you use this instead of the PVC to keep the transverse filter assembly in place?
Howard: Because this is not a spare part from the space station. This is the thing from the pizza box that keeps the lid from touching the cheese.
Raj: That what that's for? In India, the lid just touches the cheese. Of course, we also have rampant poverty and periodic outbreaks of cholera, so a little cardboard in our cheese is no biggie.