Raj: I know, I am resplendent like the noonday sun, am I not?

Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
Lalita: Really? So do I!
Raj: But, you're a dentist, he's nuts!

Raj: I'm curious, what part of America is that accent from?

Raj: Okay, what shall be the first to taste the wrath of MONTE?
Leonard: Maybe we should start small.
Raj: Okay, oh, perhaps today is the day we finally find out what's inside the Magic 8 Ball.
Sheldon: Did it when I was 4. It's an icosahedral die floating in tinted blue water.
Raj: Man, call spoiler alert before you say things like that.

Sheldon: Will you at least stipulate that Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is inarguably the best?
Raj: I have 3 words for you: Wrath of Khan.

Raj: I can't believe you kissed my sister with moth mouth.
Leonard: Well, I can't believe you'd use Sheldon's toothbrush.
Sheldon: You used my toothbrush?
Raj: Not the brush part. Just the little rubber thing to pick food from my teeth and massage my gums.

Raj: You slept with my sister?
Leonard: Yeah?
Howard: How could you? We had a pact.
Raj: Excuse me, I think "How could you, she's my sister" takes precedence over a 5-year-old pinkie swear.

Raj: Sorry, dude. The thermostat's on my side of the room, so it stays Mumbai hot in here until you turn off that stupid Indian music.
Sheldon: I'll turn off the music when you get rid of that salmonella-ridden parakeet.
Raj: Oh, too bad. Sheldon's pathologically afraid of birds. Hey, look, Sheldon. Birdie, birdie, birdie.
Sheldon: That's it. Prepare for marshmallow death.
Raj: Eat flaming Nerf.

Sheldon: Obviously, we're no longer a Justice League. We have no choice but to switch to our Muppet Baby costumes.
Raj: Ooh, I call Kermit.
Sheldon: I'm Kermit. You're Scooter.
Raj: Oh, man. Scooter sucks. He's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.

Raj: Hey, buddy, I'm gonna be in People Magazine.
Charlie Sheen: Yeah, call me when you're on the cover.

Raj: Isn't there a policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No, if you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Raj: Damn, there's always a catch.

Raj: I've said this before and I'll say it again: Aquaman sucks!

Raj: You have lost so much weight. That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat. Do you remember?
Lalita: Yes I do.
Raj: Of course you do. Who could forget being that fat?
Lalita: Well I've been trying.

Raj: Tonight I spice my mead with goblin blood.

Raj: Just think of me as a Brown Martha Stewart.