Raj: They don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate. Sadly, that's my homerun swing.

Mrs. Koothrappali: You are wearing the boxers we sent you, Rajesh?
Raj: Yes!
Mrs. Koothrappali: Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear the tighty-whities.
Raj: Can we please stop talking about my testicles?

Raj: Hey, look, I found an iPod.
Howard: It's smashed beyond repair. What are you gonna do with it?
Raj: What else? Sell it on eBay as slightly used.

Raj: She's not hiding. She needed privacy to call her grandmother, who's apparently very sick. Oh, and I believe she has to wash her hair.
Howard: Oh, you poor deluded bastard.
Raj: Don't start with me, dude.
Howard: You wanna go again? Let's go.

Leonard: This is our year, with those guys out, the entire Physics Bowl will kneel before Zod.
Penny: Zod?
Howard: Kryptonian villain, long story.
Raj: Good story. (Covers his mouth upon realizing he spoke to Penny sober)

Raj: You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like ruining ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Penny: Anybody need a refill?
Raj: (Drunk) Where did my life go, Penny?
*Everyone realizes Raj spoke to Penny.*
Raj: One day, I'm a carefree bachelor, the next, I'm driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi.
Penny: Are you talking to me?
Raj: Is there another Penny here?

Mrs. Koothrappali: What are we suppose to tell Lalita's parents?
Dr. Koothrappali: I play golf with her father, I won't be able to look at him.
Raj: Why don't you keep your eye on the ball, Papa?

Raj: Ha-ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber.
Sheldon: That's not fair! I got stuck behind a tree.
Raj: And a cow, and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual car, you can't drive.
Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.
Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a genie who grants wishes to little boys who sucks at MarioKart.

Raj: (Mocking Howard) Ooh! Look at me, I don't have a foreskin!

Dr. Koothrappali: Tilt up the camera, I'm looking at his crotch.
Raj: Sorry, Papa!
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, there's much better. Hi.

Raj: You always do this, you know, ditch me for a woman you don't have a shot with.
Howard: I totally had a shot.
Raj: With a woman you were chasing in a park. That's not a shot, that's a felony.

Howard: What do you mean you didn't get the job? How could you not get it?
Raj: You know, he's British, I'm Indian. Ever since Gandhi, they haven't liked us very much.
Leonard: Are you saying that he discriminated against you? Because we should file a complaint.
Raj:That's okay, a complaint's been filed.

Raj: I don't wanna go back to India, it's hot and loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea, they're everywhere.

Raj: If anyone cares, I still have to pee.