Raj Koothrappali Quotes Page 66 of 70

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Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: My pleasure, nothing makes me happier than the chance to spoil a lady. Just ask my dog. My vet says if I give her any more foie gras, she's going to die of gout.

Quote from the episode The Propagation Proposition

Dr. Koothrappali: Did you install a camera to spy on your fiancee?
Raj: What?! No!
Dr. Koothrappali: That's what her parents told me when they said they were calling off the wedding. But I told them you would never do such a thing.
Raj: Thank you. I mean, I did install a camera and I did spy on her, but I did not install it to spy on her.

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Raj: Hey, Howard, look. What's that?
Howard: Huh. Looks like someone's drone.
Raj: Oh, no. Do you think it was spying on us in the hot tub? 'Cause I'm only 40% of the way to my beach bod.

Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Raj: Mine just took me to his gynecology office. I got so bored, I'd put vaginal lubricant on the bottom of my shoes and pretend I was ice skating.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Penny: So, how'd it go?
Raj: Great. I bought her a couple of drinks, and she gave me her e-mail address.
Penny: Ooh!
Bernadette: Jennifer at not-even-if-you-were-the-last-guy-on-earth-dot-loser.

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Raj: And just for the record, labradoodles are hypo-allergenic, which is a very sexy quality to those troubled by animal dander.

Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation

Howard: What the hell are you doing?
Raj: Relax, it's Nyquil.
Leonard: You still have a cold?
Raj: Maybe, but I don't care. That's the great thing about Nyquil, it's like ten-percent booze. I call it the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, so you can talk to girls medicine.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: Why cant I find someone? I'm smart, I've got a cool job, and my naturally bronzed complexion means I can pull off mustard yellow in a way most guys can't.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Raj: I'm always attracted to women I can't have. I do it all the time. I did the same thing with the two of you.
Amy: The two of them? I don't understand.
Raj: Well, uh, there was a time when I had a thing for Penny, and I thought she was into me, too, because she got drunk and naked and climbed into bed with me. But apparently I misread those signals.
Amy: And you liked Bernadette also?
Raj: That was before Penny. I make it a rule to only fall for one of my friends' girlfriends at a time. I'm very old-fashioned that way.

Quote from the episode The Propagation Proposition

Anu: But I warn you, I just got out of a weird relationship, and I might complain about my ex a lot.
Raj: Maybe he's being weird because he doesn't know how to ask for his ring back.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Amy: So at, uh, some point, you probably had a thing for me, too.
Raj: No, not really.
Penny: Oh, come on, Raj, not even a little bit?
Raj: Not that I can think of.
Bernadette: Think harder.
Raj: Nope. I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. Or in this case, doesn't, I mean, at all.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Raj: I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.
Howard: I'm proud of you.
Raj: Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Amy: Hey, Penny, isn't that your old boyfriend Zack?
Penny: Oh, yeah.
Amy: Are you gonna say hi to him?
Penny: Um, I don't know.
Raj: Hey, while you decide, who was better in bed, big hot Zack or wheezy little Leonard? Neener-neener.

Quote from the episode The Bus Pants Utilization

Raj: You know, if I made more money, I could take time off from work and give pretty girls submarine rides.
Howard: What's that? Some weird sex thing?
Raj: No. You take pretty girls underwater in your private submarine, and you show them fish. Why does everything have to be dirty with you?

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Raj: Oh, hey, hey, what do you think?
Bernadette: Just because it's a boy, I don't think you need to put a picture of genitals on his shirt.
Raj: But that's a baseball bat with two little baseballs. Okay, and now I see it.

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