Howard: Oh, poor Shatner.
Raj: Poor Shatner? I have to eat lunch now.

Leonard: Look, Sheldon's pretty embarrassed, so when he gets here, we should-
Howard: Make fun of him?
Leonard: A lot.
Raj: Guys, don't you think that's a little mean?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Okay, just so we're all on the same page.

Raj: Hey, you guys want to read my fan fiction mash-up, "Captain Marvelous Mrs.
Maisel"?
Penny: Nope.
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Certainly not.
Raj: You don't even know what it's about.
Bernadette: Is it about a superhero who finds her voice by doing stand-up?
Raj: That's so much better than what I had. Mine is just a Jewish girl that flies.
Howard: I'd read that.

Raj: You were in Wil's D&D game?
Sheldon: With William Shatner?
Howard: And you didn't tell us?
Leonard: I'm sorry, Wil made me promise not to.
Sheldon: I thought we were friends.
Leonard: Oh, come on, you guys would do the same thing.
Raj: No, we wouldn't! I told you when I was in spin class with Scarlett Johansson.
Leonard: It didn't even turn out to be Scarlett Johansson.
Raj: Well, that's her fault, not mine!

Raj: Look, we know Leonard is out. You need to fill a seat. It should be one of us.
Leonard: Or give me another chance. I think me and Joe Manganiello were really hitting it off.
Howard: Joe Manganiello was there?
Raj: From Magic Mike?

Howard: They're still asleep. Apparently, when I put someone down for a nap, they sleep hard.
Raj: That's a weird brag, Howard.

Bernadette: I heard you tell Halley that story the other night, and I thought it was so sweet that Stuart and I turned it into a book.
Howard: The Frightened Little Astronaut?
Raj: That looks just like you. Look how tiny and scared you look.

Bernadette: And the best part is, Stuart showed it to a publisher friend of his, and they're interested in it.
Raj: That is so cool.
Howard: Absolutely not.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Because I don't want the whole world to know I was the frightened little astronaut!
Raj: Maybe you should've called it The Bitchy Little Astronaut.

Raj: Wait, one second. Won't Bernadette be mad when she finds out?
Howard: She's not gonna. I'm keeping it here at the university.
Raj: Ah. My dad kept a secret at work, too, but it was his receptionist.

Raj: And this is the telescope room where I spend a lot of my evenings.
Anu: Where's the telescope?
Raj: Hawaii.
Anu: That's cool.
Raj: Yeah, so, you know aloha.

Anu: What's that smell?
Raj: Uh, everyone has their own theory. Dr. Tibourgh thinks it's mold. I think it's Dr. Tibourgh.

Raj: So, I recently observed some optical flashes. It could be light bouncing off a natural object, but those tend to be less reflective, so could be evidence of something alien-made.
Anu: Oh, this suddenly got exciting.
Raj: Oh. When you say "exciting," do you mean "go back to my place" exciting or "hold our breath and do it here"? [Anu kisses Raj] Mahalo.

Howard: So guess what. There was a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory back in the day who kind of had a thing for me.
Raj: Other than Bernadette? That does not sound right.

Raj: We know it wasn't Penny, we know it wasn't Susan-
Howard: Wait. How do we know it wasn't Susan?
Raj: Uh, because she had a type.
Howard: What type?
Raj: Don't make me say it.
Howard: Are you saying I'm not a handsome guy?
Raj: See? It's mean, right?

Denise: Hey, guys.
Raj: Hey.
Howard: Hey.
Denise: I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company.
Raj: It's all right, neither did they.