Raj: Incredible. You managed to screw up the screw up.

Raj: Hey, look, I found an iPod.
Howard: It's smashed beyond repair. What are you gonna do with it?
Raj: What else? Sell it on eBay as slightly used.

Raj: (Mocking Howard) Ooh! Look at me, I don't have a foreskin!

Raj: She's not hiding. She needed privacy to call her grandmother, who's apparently very sick. Oh, and I believe she has to wash her hair.
Howard: Oh, you poor deluded bastard.
Raj: Don't start with me, dude.
Howard: You wanna go again? Let's go.

Leonard: On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if the supercollider actually works, it'll create a black hole and swallow up the Earth, ending life as we know it.
Raj: What a bunch of crybabies. No guts, no glory, man.

Leonard: You guys ready?
Raj: In a minute. Howard stepped outside to throw up.

Howard: A time machine from the movie The Time Machine?
Leonard: No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice.
Raj: Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie. Did you see it? It's rough.

Sheldon: I wonder why no-one else bid, this is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia.
Leonard: Yeah, I know, I still can't afford it.
Howard: Why don't we share it? We'll each put in two hundred bucks and we'll take turns having it in our homes.
Raj: A time share time machine? I'm in.

Howard: It's actually a tremendous bargain, even with shipping it works out to less than four dollars a pound.
Raj: Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.

Sheldon: It's the same amount of work no matter how fast you go, basic physics.
Raj: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Raj: If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one.

Raj: Oh yeah. The guy who lives next to me is always like, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony. But wait until I tell him, I've got a time machine on my balcony. Stuff that in your speedos, Jacuzzi Bob!

Leonard: Now, out of the way so I can sit in my time machine. Okay, I am setting the dials for March 10th, 1876.
Howard: Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls out for Dr Watson.
Sheldon: Wait a minute. I want to see that too.
Leonard: So when it's your turn, you can.
Sheldon: But if we all go back to the same point in time, Bell's lab is going to get very crowded. He'll know something's up.
Raj: Also, since the time machine doesn't move in space, you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena.
Howard: And even if you can make it to Boston, what are you going to do? Knock on the door and say to Mrs. Bell, "Hey, Mrs. Bell, big fan of your husband, can I come in and watch him invent the telephone?
Raj: Mrs. Bell was deaf. Shes not even going to hear you knock.

Leonard: Look, do you want to buy me out or not?
Raj: I'll give you a hundred dollars, which will make me half owner, and we'll put it on my balcony.
Howard: Screw his balcony, I'll give you a hundred and twenty and we'll put it in my garage.
Leonard: I paid two hundred dollars for my share.
Raj: Dude, everyone knows a time machine loses half its value the minute you drive it off the lot.

Leonard: He offered me a fair price for the whole collection.
Sheldon: What's the number? I'll match it.
Raj: I'll match it, plus a thousand rupees.
Sheldon: What's the exchange rate?
Raj: None of your business.

Howard: Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film! There is going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.
Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.