Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 1 of 239

Searching Search quotes

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Leonard: There you go, three against one.
Sheldon: They don't get a vote. It's one against one. And according to the roommate agreement, all ties will be settled by me.
Leonard: But I said no to that.
Sheldon: And I said yes. And I settle all ties.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: All right, next question. Kirk or Picard?
Leonard: Oh, uh, well, that's tricky. Um, well, uh, Original Series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
Sheldon: Correct. You've passed the first barrier to roommate-hood. You may enter.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Leonard: Oh, this is pretty nice. Uh, the bedrooms are back there?
Sheldon: That depends.
Leonard: I don't understand, their, their existence is conditional?
Sheldon: No, but your ability to perceive their existence is conditional on you passing the second and third barriers.
Leonard: There's three?
Sheldon: Each more daunting than the last. Have a seat.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: That's correct. FYI, I would have accepted any answer other than procreating. Come, I'll show you the rest of the apartment.
Leonard: Oh, good. I passed the barriers.
Sheldon: The second barrier. Don't get cocky.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: Roommates agree that Friday nights shall be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant new series Firefly.
Leonard: Does that really need to be in the agreement?
Sheldon: We might as well settle it now, it's going to be on for years.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: Section nine, miscellany. The apartment's flag is a gold lion rampant on a field of azure.
Leonard: We have a flag?
Sheldon: Never fly it upside down unless the apartment's in distress.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: And next, if either of us ever invents time travel, we agree our first stop will be this meeting today in precisely five seconds.
Leonard: Okay. [They look around, nothing happens]
Sheldon: Well that's disappointing.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: (Knock * 3) Leonard?
Leonard: Shh. Just pretend we're not here.
Sheldon: (Knock * 3) Leonard?
Leonard: I'm sure he'll go away.
Sheldon: I'm just going to keep knocking till you answer. (Knock * 3) Leonard? (Knock * 3) Leonard? (Knock * 3) Leonard?
Leonard: What do you want? I didn't say come in!
Sheldon: You asked what I wanted. I wanted to come in. I'm here because you violated our roommate agreement. Specifically, section eight, visitors, subsection C, females, paragraph four, coitus. Roommates shall give each other 12 hours notice of impending coitus.
Leonard: I didn't even know her 12 hours ago.
Joyce Kim: That's it! I'm out of here!
Leonard: But, Joyce, come on.
Sheldon: 12 hours? [Looking judgmentally]

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Sheldon: Leonard. That's Mark Ha-Ha-Ha. It's-it's Mark Hami-Ha-Ha-
Leonard: Yep. Thank Wolowitz. He set it up.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Mark Hamill: Congratulations on your wedding.
Sheldon: Thank you. When this is over, I have 4,000 things for you to sign.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Sheldon: Amy, I usually know exactly what to say. But in this moment I have no words.
I guess I'm overwhelmed by you. In a good way. Not in the elevator in the Haunted Mansion way. Even if I can't tell you now how I feel, I will spend my life showing you how much I love you.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Sheldon: There's something I need to tell you. Wow, you look amazing! That's not what I need to tell you. But you do!
Amy: What's wrong?
Sheldon: Something incredible just happened. Remember when you were telling me about my bow tie and how a little asymmetry is good?
Amy: Yeah?
Sheldon: My equations have been trying to describe an imperfect world, and the only way to do that is to introduce imperfection into the underlying theory.
Amy: So, instead of super symmetry, it would be super asymmetry?
Sheldon: (gasps) Super asymmetry. That's it! Give me your lipstick.
Amy: What?
Sheldon: Just give it to me, you beautiful thing! We have work to do!

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Mary: Oh, Shelly. I wish your dad could see you now.
Sheldon: Me, too. I miss him.
Mary: He would be so proud of you. I know that I am.
Sheldon: Thank you. I mean, for everything. My whole life.
Mary: Oh. *Mary hugs Sheldon*

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Amy: (to Georgie) I like your accent. Sheldon, did you used to sound like that? Can you still?
Sheldon: I can. I will not.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Missy: Hey, Shelly.
Sheldon: I'm so glad you made it, Missy. This is my fiancée, Amy. Amy, this is my sister. If I ever need a kidney, this is where you get it.

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 3,581Sort by  popularity | date added | episode