Sheldon: Hey, when can we start running tests on it?
Amy: No reason we can't start right now.
Sheldon: What stimulus should we introduce it to first? Light, sound, temperature? Ooh! Ooh! Let's expose it to images of me and you and see who it likes better.

Amy: Sheldon, this is a rudimentary collection of neurons. I mean, it's remarkable, but it's still limited in what it can do.
Sheldon: I understand. (Talking to the petri dish of brain cells) She's the mean one, I'm the fun one.

Sheldon: Would you look at that? The image we gave it was 45% white noise, and it still managed to reconstruct it.
Amy: I've never seen results like this before.
Sheldon: Yeah, we need to stop for magnets on the way home; this is going right on the fridge.

Amy: Make a baby? What are you talking about?
Sheldon: Clearly the combination of our DNA is exceptional. Our child could be the next step in the evolution of mankind. We we'll be able to get into any preschool we want!

Amy: Sheldon, please stop trying to seduce me.
Sheldon: Who's trying to seduce you? After a long day I always turn on smooth jazz and spray deer musk on my inner thighs.
Amy: I thought it smelled like a petting zoo in here.
Sheldon: Anything you'd like to pet? Bu-, but not my hair. There's a lot of goop in it.

Sheldon: Amy, I didn't want it to come to this. But you have left me no choice but to employ the most passionate, seductive dance known to man. The flamenco.
*Sheldon dancing*
Amy: For God's sake, you're ridiculous.
*Amy leaves the apartment*
Sheldon: (To Leonard and Penny) You guys are aroused, right?

Leonard: How much money did he win?
Raj: Over half a million dollars.
Leonard: Wow.
Howard: And he doesn't have to use it for research, he can do whatever he wants with it.
Sheldon: Oh, good, maybe he can build a nicer bridge to live under.

Raj: Hey, congratulations Bert!
Leonard: Yeah, good for you.
Howard: That's amazing.
Bert: Thanks. I was as surprised as anybody. When they called and told me I won, I didn't believe them.
And then they said, "No, you really won." And then I said, "Cool."
Sheldon: Someone call George R. R. Martin, this guy knows how to finish a story.
Bert: I've gotten pretty good at telling it. Well, see ya.
Sheldon: Some genius. I zinged him with sarcasm, he didn't even notice.
Leonard: I know, and it was the greatest sarcastic quip I've ever heard.
Sheldon: Well, aren't you a peach.

Leonard: Ignore him, he's just cranky because Bert from the geology lab won a big grant.
Penny: Oh, I heard him interviewed on the radio! You know, when they told him he won, he didn't believe it, but then he did believe it. It was so funny.
Sheldon: Who listens to the radio any more?

Sheldon: You know, I just need to keep reminding myself that Bert's success is not my failure.
Penny: (enthusiastically) There you go.
Sheldon: And that men of his large stature are more susceptible to a wide array of life-threatening diseases.
Penny: (unenthusiastically) There you go.

Sheldon: Bert? I wanted to let you know that I read your research, and your award is well-deserved.
Bert: Thanks. I've been hearing that a lot. Ever since I won, people think I'm great.
Sheldon: Well, just this once, you can count me as people, too.

Bert: You know, as a MacArthur Grant winner, I'm allowed to nominate someone for next year.
Sheldon: Really? I didn't know that.
Bert: So I was thinking, you know, engineers don't get a lot of respect. Is your friend Howard working on anything cool?
Sheldon: You know, I'm not sure. You know, you'd have to ask him. Excuse me.
*Sheldon walks into the hallway and hurts himself again*

Sheldon: Bert, we need to talk.
Bert: What happened to you?
Sheldon: Rock, rock, water fountain.

Bert: Well, you know, we're both pretty smart. I bet if we put our heads together, we could come up with a solution.
Sheldon: Well, hang on. You're my enemy. Now, the enemy of the enemy is my friend. And right now, I'm my own worst enemy. That makes you my fr-- Okay, I'm good to go.

Amy: How can you feel bad if Stephen Hawking says you're brilliant?
Sheldon: I can't. Thank you, Professor Hawking. You are a gift to mankind. There should be statues of you everywhere. You know, the Lincoln Memorial has a big chair. We could swap you right in.
Stephen Hawking: I always thought a motorized toy of me would be cool.
Sheldon: What a wonderful idea! How does this man not have a Nobel?
Leonard: (To Amy) Do not tell Wolowitz.
Amy: Way ahead of you.