Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 151 of 215

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Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: Well, as I predicted, I am sick. My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2am, and I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.
Leonard: No kidding?
Sheldon: No. Not only that, it has shifted from clear to milky green.
Leonard: Alright, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.
Sheldon: What else would I drink? Gasses? Solids? Ionised plasma?

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Leonard: Until we get married a third time, you guys will never have to see each other again.
Alfred Hofstadter: Well, you know, actually that's not the case. Mary may visit me in New York.
Mary Cooper: Mm-hmm. And he's never been to Texas.
Alfred Hofstadter: Maybe we meet halfway.
Sheldon: In the Chattahoochee National Forest in Georgia? I can't be the only one that knows that's halfway.

Quote from the episode The Vacation Solution

Sheldon: Oh, President Siebert, I assume you'd like to respond to one of the suggestions I put in the box by your office.
President Siebert: No, and stop installing suggestion boxes everywhere.
Sheldon: You don't like written suggestions. You don't like when I give them to you while we're urinating in the men's room. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're one of those stubborn people who are not open to suggestions.

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Sheldon: Of course, there's the other possibility that this date kicks off a rather unpleasant six months of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code.
Leonard: You could have stopped at "it could go well."
Sheldon: If I could've, I would've.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Patent Attorney: And as far as Mr. Wolowitz is concerned, I'm afraid as a federal employee on loan from NASA, your name can be on the patent, but you're not entitled to an ownership share.
Howard: Wait, so this can turn out to be a financial success, and I get nothing?
Patent Attorney: Well, sometimes they give you a plaque.
Sheldon: Well, that's not fair. We should all get plaques.

Quote from the episode The Speckerman Recurrence

Sheldon: Look at these men. They've managed to win the top science prize in the world with no more understanding of the quantum underpinnings of the expansion of the early universe than God gave a goose. You should pay attention, Leonard. Someday this could be you up there.
Leonard: Thanks.

Quote from the episode The Application Deterioration

Leonard: Sorry, but we can't sign this.
Howard: Come on, let's go.
Leonard: Thank you for your time.
Sheldon: You know, couple of questions about the plaque- (Leonard pulls Sheldon out of the room)

Quote from the episode The Veracity Elasticity

Amy: So, uh, what about dinner?
Sheldon: Is it me or are you purposely changing the subject?
Amy: No. And on the subject of subjects, is your use of the word "subject" the same or different as when we speak about the subject of a king?
Sheldon: I have a feeling you're still doing it. But I find that topic irresistible, so, now, in ancient Mesopotamia, the king referred to the people as his property.

Quote from the episode The Speckerman Recurrence

Leonard: Its this Jimmy Speckerman thing. I can't decide if I should agree to see him or not. Of course that might be because the last time I ran into him, he made me floss with my own shoelaces.
Sheldon: Wear loafers.

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Leonard: If I could calm down I wouldn't be having a panic attack, that's why they call it a panic attack.
Sheldon: All right, all right. Well, just sit down. Yes, sit down, now close your eyes.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: Just do it.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: Now try to increase your alpha-wave activity.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: It's a bio-feedback technique. It's relaxation through brain-wave manipulation. I read a paper about it in the Journal of American Neuroscience. It was a little sparsely sourced but I think the basic science is valid. I probably have it here somewhere.

Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Leonard: Are you saying that my dad's not good enough for your mom?
Sheldon: Yes, while also getting in a solid dig at you. Pretty efficient, huh?

Quote from the episode The Speckerman Recurrence

Sheldon: Look at Dr. Saul Perlmutter up there, clutching that Nobel Prize. What's the matter, Saul? You afraid someone's going to steal it? Like you stole Einstein's cosmological constant?

Quote from the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm sick, thank you very much.
Penny: How could you have gotten it from me? I'm not sick.
Sheldon: You're a carrier. All these people here are doomed. You're doomed!

Quote from the episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Leonard: Oh, who am I kidding? I can't go through with this, you need to call her and cancel.
Sheldon: Me?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: What should I tell her?
Leonard: I don't know. Tell her I'm sick.
Sheldon: Okay.
Leonard: Not the kind of illness that will make her want to come over and take care of me, but nothing so critical that she'll feel uncomfortable going out with me in the future if I want to try this again.
Sheldon: Got it. So I'm assuming nothing venereal. I'll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy and haven't quite bounced back.

Quote from the episode The Cushion Saturation

Raj: Did you guys see the new budget memo that went out this morning?
Leonard: Yeah, more cutbacks.
Sheldon: Unacceptable. It baffles me why they don't simply let some of you go so that there's money available for my research.

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