Leonard: She took my Where's Waldo.
Sheldon: Well, no, no, he's over there.
Leonard: Oh, yeah, there he is.

Sheldon: Well, what do you know? Here I was, waiting to be bored with biology, and instead you tickle my intellectual fancy. Which, unlike my body, is an okay place to tickle.

Bert: Everyone, this is Rebecca.
Rebecca: Hi.
Everybody: Hey.
Sheldon: She's younger and far more attractive than he is. They're copying you two!

Leonard: Mary, I'm sorry you're in the middle of this.
Mary Cooper: No, no, nothing to be sorry about. I genuinely like your father.
Sheldon: What? But he's a mediocre academic. And according to Beverly, his sexual prowess is subpar. He's basically Leonard with a bigger prostate.

Leonard: So, what are you guys gonna do today?
Amy: Well, Sheldon was supposed to go to this party with me this afternoon, but I don't think that's happening.
Sheldon: Oh, that was never happening.

Sheldon: Are you okay? Oh, I'm fantastic, never been better. I had my first energy drink and I feel great. Hey, you guys want to wrestle? We can do arm, thumb, mud, sumo. Nah, we're not fat enough, or wearing diapers.

Sheldon: Well, if you are so protective of the scientific method, perhaps we should use the next five weeks to finish what we started.
Amy: Well, for science, maybe I will!
Sheldon: For science, maybe you should!
Amy: Fine!
Sheldon: Fine!
Amy: Good.
Sheldon: Great.
Amy: Do you want to go to our place and make out?
Sheldon: Does Stephen Hawking roll through the quad?

Amy: Well, thank you, Sheldon. This is a fun surprise.
Sheldon: Oh, well, the real surprise is how surprised you are that I'm great at surprises.
Amy: Well, that's not a surprise at all. I mean, if I knew you were good at surprises, I would have expected the surprise, and therefore not have been surprised. But as it is, I didn't know, and therefore my surprise should be unsurprising.
Sheldon: Don't get me all randy. Guests are on the way.

Amy: Sheldon, it's humiliating. Thanks to you, my colleagues are gossiping about our sex life.
Sheldon: What is there to gossip about? We barely have one.

Sheldon: Beverly pointed out that I'm experiencing insecurities in my relationship with Amy, in the same way that Leonard and Penny are in their relationship.
Penny: What are you talking about? We're fine.
Sheldon: Yes, you're fine as long as you have a buffer living with you to distract from your marital problems. It used to be me. Now it's Raj and his attack Tribble.

Sheldon: I feel so betrayed. You know, all my life I thought Uncle Sam was a friendly uncle who brought you presents. Turns out he's the other kind.

Sheldon: That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.

Leonard: Hang on. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Chess clock. We each get five minutes to talk about our problems. We'll take turns. Each turn will consist of a statement and a helpful response from the friend. Begin.
Sheldon: I humiliated Stephen Hawking in a game of Words with Friends. He stopped playing, and now we're not friends anymore.
Leonard: He's probably busy. You're worried about nothing. Give it a couple more days. I'm sure he'll play, and you'll see that everything's fine. My turn. I can't let Penny hand in a bad paper, but how do I tell her it's bad without letting her know that I read it?
Sheldon: Hmm. Beats me. Now, I know Hawking's not busy because I can see he's playing other people right now.
Leonard: Maybe since you're so good, he's taking his time to meet the challenge. I want Penny to enjoy school...
Sheldon: Wolowitz told me he's a big baby. But I didn't know that, and I played extract for 82 points. It's all Amy's fault. She told me to play it. I have got to cut her loose.

Leonard: Uh, can we just drop this and have lunch like adults?
Howard: Fine.
Sheldon: Very well. Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Pff!

Amy: Is this about what Leonard said on the radio?
Sheldon: Absolutely not. And I do not want to talk about Leonard. Can we please just talk about anything else?
Amy: We could talk about my day.
Sheldon: Walked right into that one, didn't I?