Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 187 of 262
Quote from the episode The Shiny Trinket Maneuver
Shop Assistant: Are we looking for anything special? Perhaps a ring for the lady?
Penny: (Snorts) Trust me, we are not a couple.
Sheldon: Excuse me. I don't see why you get to snort derisively and point that out. You'd be lucky to land a fella like me.
Penny: Fine, go ahead.
Sheldon: (Snorts) Trust me, we are not a couple.
Quote from the episode The Contractual Obligation Implementation
Leonard: Guys, please don't make this a school project where I'm the smartest kid doing all the work while the slackers sit back and watch.
Sheldon: We're not. This time you're the smart kid doing all the work while the even smarter kids sit back and watch.
Howard: So, you think I'm one of the smarter kids?
Sheldon: No, you're a tool I was using to make my point.
Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst
Sheldon: Do you realize that teaching is the first thing I've failed at since my ill-fated attempt to complete a chin-up in March of 1989?
Quote from the episode The Russian Rocket Reaction
Leonard: It's from Game of Thrones. What do you think?
Sheldon: I don't know. If we're going to start a fantasy sworld collection, and I've long thought we should, is this really the sword to start with?
Leonard: What did you have in mind?
Sheldon: Well, off the top of my head, I'd have to go with Excalibur. It gives you the right to rule England.
Leonard: It would be a replica of a movie prop.
Sheldon: Fair enough. It'd give you the right to rule a replica of England.
Quote from the episode The Russian Rocket Reaction
Howard: Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist and guess who that someone is.
Sheldon: Mohammed Lee.
Howard: Who's Mohammed Lee?
Sheldon: Mohammed is the most common first name in the world. Lee, the most common surname. As I didn't know the answer, I thought it gave me the mathematical edge.
Quote from the episode The Love Car Displacement
Penny: So, Amy, I've been wondering, are you and Sheldon going to be sharing a room?
Amy: No, we discussed it. We decided we didn't want to jeopardize our relationship by getting to know each other too well.
Sheldon: Indeed. Nothing sours a friendship more than over-familiarity with someone's toilet routine.
Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum
Sheldon: Now, to review, the following provisions are hereby activated. In the refrigerator, as opposed to us having two separate shelves and one communal shelf, the three of us now get individual shelves and the door becomes communal. Next, apartment vacuuming shall be increased from two to three times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells. Third, the bathroom schedule. Now, I'm given to understand women have difference needs, so we'll have to discuss that.
Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum
Sheldon: Leonard, there's one more thing. Under Article One, Section Three of our Roommate Agreement, I'm calling an emergency meeting.
Leonard: No, you're not.
Sheldon: Leonard moves the meeting not occur. Is there a second? None heard, the motion fails.
Quote from the episode The Werewolf Transformation
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Mr D'Onofrio's in the hospital. Why do these things always happen to me?
Quote from the episode The Werewolf Transformation
Sheldon: When I first moved here, I was nervous about finding a new barber, so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr. D'Onofrio.
Leonard: There's no such thing as haircut records.
Quote from the episode The Werewolf Transformation
Sheldon: To paraphrase T.S. Eliot, this is the way the word ends, not with a bang but with a nephew.
Quote from the episode The Werewolf Transformation
Sheldon: I feel like a teen heartthrob.
Quote from the episode The Werewolf Transformation
Amy: What about Supercuts?
Sheldon: I tried once. They do men and women's hair in the same room at the same time. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse.
Quote from the episode The Werewolf Transformation
Penny: You know, Sheldon, sometimes it's nice not knowing what's coming. I mean, look at me and Leonard. We went out, we broke up, now we're trying again. We don't know what's gonna happen.
Sheldon: Oh, please, everyone knows what's going to happen.
Quote from the episode The Monopolar Expedition
Leonard: Wait a minute. He offered to send you to the North Pole?
Sheldon: Yes. In fact, he was quite enthusiastic. He said, "Frankly, if I could send you tonight, I would."
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