Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 2 of 239

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Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Georgie: Hold up. I-I'm confused. You didn't want me at your wedding, but now that Mom won't come, you want me there.
Sheldon: I know you don't hear this a lot, but that is exactly right. Good job.
Leonard: Not helping, Sheldon.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Georgie: We haven't talked in over ten years, and now that you need something, you think you can just show up at my store? Well, let's just drop everything to accommodate Sheldon.
Sheldon: Nice try, but I am not a gullible little boy anymore. I can recognize sarcasm.
Georgie: Okay. You're right. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. Tell me what you need. Your wish is my command.
Sheldon: That's better, thank you.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Georgie: What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: Hello, Georgie.
Georgie: It's just George now.
Sheldon: Fine, George. No, I don't like it, Georgie.
Georgie: I see you haven't changed one bit.
Sheldon: Thank you, that is a nice thing to say.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Leonard: We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just "some loser who sells tires"?
Sheldon: You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Leonard: So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?
Sheldon: Yes, and, apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Amy: Look, he may have been mean to you when you were kids, but you're both grown men now.
Sheldon: That's right. I'm a grown-up, and if I don't want to invite him to my wedding, then I won't.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: Except I have to 'cause my mommy's making me.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Sheldon: My brother.
Amy: Wait a minute. You didn't invite your brother to your own wedding?
Sheldon: He tormented me my whole childhood. I don't think I should reward that type of behavior with a slice of wedding cake in the shape of the Millennium Falcon.
Amy: Try again.
Sheldon: A slice of wedding cake in the shape of a cake.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Sheldon: It is fitting that you got into tires, because you are tiresome.
Leonard: Sheldon, come on.
Sheldon: Was that too mean?
Leonard: No, not too mean, not too good either.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Leonard: So, is this Georgie?
Sheldon: Yes. And what is he even using that stethoscope to listen to?
Leonard: I don't know, small leak?
Sheldon: All right, that makes sense.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Amy: Why do you smell like smoke?
Sheldon: I was in Vegas.
Amy: Vegas?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Las Vegas.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Sheldon: This is it.
Pit Boss: Is everything okay, sir?
Sheldon: Oh. Hi. It's better than okay. I am a physicist, and I have been observing this wheel for hours and running a chi-square analysis, which is how I know that the ball is far more likely to land on 32, 17 or five. So if you could hold off on replacing this wheel, I'd like to make several large bets.
Pit Boss: Well, good for you. Pelican.
Sheldon: What's pelican?
Pit Boss: Sir, would you come with us?
Sheldon: Oh, no. I have to place my bet first. This is for science. [carried away by security]
Croupier: 17 black.
Sheldon: No! No!

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Raj: You ever thought of going to Vegas?
Sheldon: Can you be more specific?
Raj: Las Vegas?
Sheldon: Oh, you mean gambling.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Raj: I like tuna fish.
Sheldon: Do you want it? I'll sell it to you for $5,000.
Leonard: How's the fundraising going?
Sheldon: Oh, that depends. Raj, was that a "yes"?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: It's going badly.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Howard: Oh, did your mom pack your lunch?
Sheldon: (chuckles) Of course not. Do you know how much it costs to pack a tuna fish sandwich in dry ice and overnight it from Texas? Well, I do, and my mother says it's too expensive.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Stuart: Okay, well, you know, I'm gonna have to open it to assess its condition.
Sheldon: Just be gentle. It's never felt the touch of a man before.
Stuart: You don't seem like you really want to sell these.
Sheldon: Of course I don't want to sell these. These are all important to me, but not as important as science, and if this is the sacrifice I need to make, then so be it.
Stuart: Okay. Uh, why don't you leave these here with me, and I'll-I'll price 'em out for you.
Sheldon: Is it okay if I stand here and watch?
Stuart: Sure.
Sheldon: [running out of the store] If anyone asks, tell them I was brave.

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