Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 2 of 239

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Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Amy: That was Wil Wheaton. He's really excited about tomorrow.
Sheldon: As am I. If you'd have told me as a child that an actor from Star Trek would be officiating my wedding, I would've said, "Ooh, William Shatner?" And if you'd have said, "No, Wil Wheaton," I'd have said, "Well, did you even try William Shatner?" And if you'd have said, "Yes, but he costs too much money," I'd have said, "Ah, well, Wil Wheaton's good, too."

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Amy: Why do you keep tying and untying that bow tie?
Sheldon: I can't seem to get it even.
Amy: Well, I don't think it's supposed to be even. Sometimes a little asymmetry looks good. In the Renaissance, they called it "sprezzatura."
Sheldon: The Renaissance? Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person. At some point, we have to decide how we want to raise the children.

Quote from the episode The Bow Tie Asymmetry

Penny: All right, Saturday is the big day. A lot of people thought this would never come. I may have been one of those people.
Amy: I may have been one of those people.
Sheldon: Wait, wait, are we talking about the wedding?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, I was definitely one of those people.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Sheldon: Hello. Room service? I'm calling about the club sandwich on your menu. No, I-I don't want one. I just want you to spell it correctly. Unless the "club" is the Poor Typing Club. Okay. Now let's discuss this 15% "gratooty"? Yeah, well, that was rude. [hangs up] Someone just lost their gratooty.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Leonard: Is it me, or did we just patch a tire?
Sheldon: He said, "Never patch." Do you even listen?

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Sheldon: Why aren't you looking at the camera?
Amy: Oh, you know, I'm just working on my peripheral vision.
Sheldon: Well, that is nonsense. Your peripheral vision is fine. Are those women's magazines making you feel bad about yourself again?
Amy: Yup, that is what's happening.
Sheldon: I have told you before, those women are airbrushed to make it look like they have good vision.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Leonard: Well, look, we don't fly out until the morning. Why don't I try and talk to him, give it one more shot?
Sheldon: All right. But if he says, "Nerd says what", don't answer him.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You are a lamb to the slaughter.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Georgie: What the hell are you doing here?
Sheldon: Hello, Georgie.
Georgie: It's just George now.
Sheldon: Fine, George. No, I don't like it, Georgie.
Georgie: I see you haven't changed one bit.
Sheldon: Thank you, that is a nice thing to say.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Georgie: We haven't talked in over ten years, and now that you need something, you think you can just show up at my store? Well, let's just drop everything to accommodate Sheldon.
Sheldon: Nice try, but I am not a gullible little boy anymore. I can recognize sarcasm.
Georgie: Okay. You're right. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. Tell me what you need. Your wish is my command.
Sheldon: That's better, thank you.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Georgie: Hold up. I-I'm confused. You didn't want me at your wedding, but now that Mom won't come, you want me there.
Sheldon: I know you don't hear this a lot, but that is exactly right. Good job.
Leonard: Not helping, Sheldon.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Sheldon: Once, when I was eight, I was going to dress as my favorite scientist for Halloween, and Georgie threw my costume away. I had to wear a sheet and go as a ghost. Scared myself all night long.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Leonard: So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?
Sheldon: Yes, and, apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Leonard: We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just "some loser who sells tires"?
Sheldon: You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Sheldon: My brother.
Amy: Wait a minute. You didn't invite your brother to your own wedding?
Sheldon: He tormented me my whole childhood. I don't think I should reward that type of behavior with a slice of wedding cake in the shape of the Millennium Falcon.
Amy: Try again.
Sheldon: A slice of wedding cake in the shape of a cake.

Quote from the episode The Sibling Realignment

Amy: Look, he may have been mean to you when you were kids, but you're both grown men now.
Sheldon: That's right. I'm a grown-up, and if I don't want to invite him to my wedding, then I won't.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: Except I have to 'cause my mommy's making me.

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