Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 204 of 223

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Quote from the episode The Irish Pub Formulation

Leonard: Hey, you got Snoopy out. Can I have a snowcone?
Sheldon: Well, sure.
Leonard: These are pretty god, what flavor is this?
Sheldon: Guess.
Leonard: Papaya?
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Guava?
Sheldon: You're so close.
Leonard: I give up.
Sheldon: Mango, caterpillar. (Leonard spits it out) What are you doing? You said you liked it!

Quote from the episode The Skank Reflex Analysis

Leonard: Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap to play paintball?
Sheldon: Who said that? Leonard, I can hear your voice, but I can't see you.

Quote from the episode The Shiny Trinket Maneuver

Sheldon: This is how you're going to entertain your little cousin and his friends? By lying to them?
Howard: How is this lying?
Sheldon: A magic show is an inherently deceitful proposition. This is an ordinary top hat. You've chosen that card freely. I do not have a set of lock picks lodged in my keister.
Raj: Can't you just enjoy the wonder, Sheldon? Why must you peek behind the curtain? Or up the butt?
Sheldon: If we poison the critical thinking faculties of children by telling them that rabbits come out of hats, then we create adults who believe in astrology and homeopathy and that Ryan Reynolds was a better choice for Green Lantern than lovable rogue Nathan Fillion.

Quote from the episode The Separation Triangulation

Sheldon: What time does the trial period end?
Leonard: 12:00, noon.
Sheldon: Yeah, what does it say after that?
Leonard: Eastern Standard Time.
Sheldon: That was three hours ago. And, uh, since you didn't exercise your right to revoke, I exercised my right to extend, triggering this long-form rental agreement of which you're already in violation.
Leonard: This is just a-a bunch of paper. You can't enforce this.
Sheldon: Hire a lawyer. Let's find out.
Leonard: This is not happening.
Sheldon: Be that as it may, page nine says that you have to provide me with lemon-flavored sparkling waters, so chop-chop.

Quote from the episode The Egg Salad Equivalency

Sheldon: Anyway, despite the fact he has a girlfriend, Shilly-Shally has been the recipient of inappropriate workplace flirtations from a young lady.
Amy: It's your assistant Alex, isn't it?
Sheldon: No, no, no. This is Tondelaya della Ventimiglia.

Quote from the episode The Viewing Party Combustion

Sheldon: Well, I'll catch you up. Uh, Penny is angry at Leonard, Leonard's angry at me and Penny, I'm angry at Leonard and Amy, Raj is angry at Howard, and I'm angry at George R.R. Martin 'cause there are no new books for me to spoil for Leonard.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Howard: Kangaroo. Uh, I'd be a Kanga-Jew - the first of my people to dunk a basketball.
Leonard: Also instead of just living in your mother's house, you could actually live inside her body.
Sheldon: Clever, but also wrong.

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Sheldon: Tic-tac-toe can only end in win, lose or draw, none of which will deny me closure. Especially since I'm about to win. (Amy wipes the board clean.) But we didn't finish.
Amy: Exactly. How does that make you feel?
Sheldon: The same way any normal person would. I feel like I want to peel off my own face and tear it in two and then again and again until I have a handful of Sheldon-face confetti.
Amy: And thats exactly the feeling we want to address with this course of treatment.
Sheldon: Or you could pitch in, grab a nostril and help me get this face off.

Quote from the episode The Egg Salad Equivalency

Sheldon: Okay, look. It's not really about Ricardo and Tondelaya. It is really about her boss, who doesn't quite know how to handle this situation and could use your advice. Which is surprising because Dr. Einstein von Brainstorm, he's usually pretty smart about these things.

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Sheldon: I've made you breakfast. Juice, coffee, and pancakes in the shape of some of your favorite fictional characters. See, here's Frodo.
Leonard: You made Frodo pancakes?
Sheldon: Yeah, I used coconut shavings to do the hair on his feet. If you need to void your bladder before eating, I can keep them warm with this beret that I thoroughly laundered and pressed into service as a pancake cosy.
Leonard: Why are you doing this?
Sheldon: It's by way of an apology for my recent behaviour. I've had some time to reflect and I've come to realize that friendship is not an aggregation of written agreements. It's a result of two people respecting and caring for each other. Butterscotch scone?
Leonard: Thanks. It's good.
Sheldon: What you're tasting is respect and affection. And about a pound of Crisco. After you've finished breakfast, I thought we could spend the day watching the final season of Babylon 5 with director commentary.
Leonard: You hate Babylon 5.
Sheldon: I do. It fails as drama, science fiction, and it's hopelessly derivative. But you like it, and you're my friend.
Leonard: Okay, great. Still not taking you to Switzerland.
Sheldon: Drat. No Frodo for you.

Quote from the episode The Pulled Groin Extrapolation

Sheldon: Well, you can add Jerry's Junction to the list of train stores Sheldon Cooper will never set foot in again.
Leonard: Rough night, Casey Jones?
Sheldon: You don't know the half of it. It was billed as a lively give-and-take on the merits of model train sizes. But it was actually a set-up to intimidate weak-minded spineless rubes into buying H-O starter sets.
Leonard: What's in the bag?
Sheldon: I don't want to talk about it. But it's not a spine,I'll tell you that.

Quote from the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Penny: Well, uh, it looked pretty good in the store.
Leonard: It is an inefficient design. For example, Penny has a flat screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted.
Sheldon: We could put her stereo back there.
Leonard: And control it how?
Sheldon: Run an infra-red repeater, photocell here, emitter here, easy peasy.

Quote from the episode The Egg Salad Equivalency

Ms. Davis: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it.
Sheldon: Oh, I see the confusion here. No, no. Alex thought I was singling her out. No, I meant that all woman are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave.

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Sheldon: But my true purpose in being here will be revealed in this brief PowerPoint presentation. Lights. "Why Sheldon Cooper, PhD, should go to Switzerland to see the CERN supercollider", a PowerPoint presentation by Sheldon Cooper, PhD.
Penny: Oh, for God's sake.
Sheldon: Here we have a highly gifted researcher in the field of particle physics whose work has brought him to the precipice of forever changing mankind's understanding of the universe, a.k.a. me. And here we have a waitress brushing her teeth with her finger, a.k.a. you.
Penny: I'm sorry. Is this supposed to be buttering me up?
Sheldon: Please hold all questions to the end of the presentation. This is the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Switzerland, the product of decades of planning and construction. It is a Mecca for physicists the world over. This is Bath and Body Works on Colorado Boulevard. They sell scented soaps and lotions, some of which contain glitter. Now, let's see if we can match the individual to the appropriate destination.
Penny: Okay, show's over.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley. They've got that wine train.
Sheldon: Boo, wine! But yay, trains. I'm in.

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