Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 205 of 249

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Quote from the episode The Vartabedian Conundrum

Stephanie: I'm kinda busy here, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I understand. All I need is for you to authorize these tests.
Stephanie: A cardiac stress test, a full body MRI, an electromyogram, a CBC, baseline glucose, upper GI?
Sheldon: Oh, and an exploratory laparoscopy. Last time I had hiccups, it felt like my diaphragm was just going through the motions.
Stephanie: Go home, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Can I at least have the upper GI? I already drank the barium!

Quote from the episode The Terminator Decoupling

Howard: Okay, Raj, hand me the number six torque screwdriver.
Sheldon: Stop. We can't do this. It's not right.
Raj: Sheldon, you have two choices. Either you let him put a bigger hard drive in the TiVo, or you delete stuff before we go out of town.
Sheldon: But once you open the box, you've voided the warranty. The warranty is a sacred covenant we've entered into with the manufacturer. He offers to stand by his equipment, and we in return agree not to violate the integrity of the internal hardware. This little orange sticker is all that stands between us and anarchy.
Leonard: Okay, then we wont touch the hard drive. We'll just erase the first season of Battlestar.
Sheldon: (Rips off the sticker) There. We're outlaws.

Quote from the episode The Work Song Nanocluster

Howard: Too bad. You know the rules of Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Chess. Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up.
Sheldon: Despite my deep love of chess, lasers and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: Because it's almost eleven o'clock.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So ... Penny has a don't knock on my door before eleven o'clock or I punch you in the throat rule.

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Raj: You're being unreasonable. Why can't I have a desk?
Sheldon: Our collaboration is a work of the mind. We don't need desks.
Raj: You have a desk.
Sheldon: Correct.
Raj: But I can't have one.
Sheldon: You're two for two.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Leonard: Would you like to say something?
Sheldon: Yes, thank you. I know this is just a scientific theory, but to me, it was more than that. It described the universe in a new and beautiful way. I want that to be the universe we live in, but I guess it's not.

Quote from the episode The Work Song Nanocluster

Sheldon: Bailment describes a relationship in common law where a physical possession of personal property, or chattels, is transferred from one person, the bailor, to another person, the bailee.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, look, look. I started a business.
Sheldon: Obviously, not a cleaning business.

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Leonard: Why can't he have a desk, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, will this day never end? As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali, whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him when it's convenient, there's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture.
Raj: Oh, but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines, a marshmallow shooting rifle, and a super executive ant farm with glow-in-the-dark sand?
Sheldon: Yes.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Leonard: It's kind of beautiful, isn't it?
Amy: Yeah, it is.
Sheldon: It's getting kind of close to the curtain.
Leonard: It's in water, it's fine.
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: Oh!
Sheldon: Oh! Looks like we both had theories that were wrong.

Quote from the episode The Bachelor Party Corrosion

Howard: We are going to Me-he-co.
Leonard: Fun! I've never been there.
Sheldon: Leonard, don't be fooled. I'm from Texas. Me-he-co is Spanish for Mexico.

Quote from the episode The Work Song Nanocluster

Penny: Sheldon, don't you get it? If this takes off, I won't have to be a waitress anymore.
Sheldon: But then who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?
Penny: Another waitress.
Sheldon: What's her name?
Penny: I don't know.
Sheldon: And you're going to let her handle my food?
Penny: Nancy. Her name is Nancy.
Sheldon: I think you're just making that up.
Penny: Sheldon, I'm sorry about your hamburger, okay? I just don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life.
Sheldon: Cheeseburger. I get a cheeseburger.
Penny: Fine, cheeseburger.
Sheldon: Maybe I'd be better off with Nancy.

Quote from the episode The Property Division Collision

Sheldon: Oh, now, what about our 3-D chess set?
Leonard: Let me guess, you want it.
Sheldon: Well, no, I just didn't think you'd want a physical reminder of a game you never managed to win. As a kindness, I should probably take all the games.

Quote from the episode The Terminator Decoupling

Sheldon: George Smoot is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, one of the great minds of our time. His work in black body form and anisotropy of the cosmic microwave background radiation cemented our understanding of the origin of the universe.
Penny: It's kind of a funny name, though, Smoot.
Sheldon: It's like talking to a chimp.
Penny: Okay, now that I've been completely insulted, have a good flight.

Quote from the episode The Russian Rocket Reaction

Amy: How did Wil Wheaton get on the list?
Everybody: Oh!
Sheldon: As a child, I loved Wesley Crusher, Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek. So, I drove for hours by bus to a Star Trek convention at which Wil Wheaton was scheduled to appear, so that I could get my Wesley Crusher action figure signed. But he never showed, because apparently, it was cooler for him to be the lower-left corner on Hollywood Squares.
Oh, damn! The floppy failed. Well, whoever was in charge of quality control at the Verbatim Corporation in 1989, congratulations, you just made the list.

Quote from the episode The Hot Troll Deviation

Sheldon: All right, all right. He can buy his own desk.
Raj: And I can put it in your office?
Sheldon: Well, you really want to dot the Is and cross the Ts, don't you?

Quote from the episode The Euclid Alternative

Howard: Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
Sheldon: How else are they going to learn? Look, question 2, "When are roadways most slippery?" Now, okay, there are three answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is, when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction.

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