Leonard: Uh, sleep night. I mean, obviously, good night. I started to say sleep tight then I changed my mind in the middle. I swear to God, I'm smart.
Sheldon: Get it together, man.

Sheldon: All right, let me show you some of the features of the room. First, windows. Conventional. Open, closed, open, closed. Halfway open or halfway closed, depending on your philosophical bent. Over here is my comic book collection. Feel free to browse. There's a box of disposable reading gloves on the night stand.

Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: Can I ask a question about your roommate?
Sheldon: He's an odd duck, isn't he?
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: What's his relationship status?
Sheldon: Well, there was a misbegotten adventure with a waitress who lives across the hall. It ended as inexplicably as it began. They had very little in common, except for carnal activity. That's why I acquired these noise-canceling headphones. If you decide to use them, please clean the ear pieces afterwards with the Wet Wipes you'll find in the bathroom. They're in the drawer labeled Wet Wipes.

Sheldon: Vocal test. Morning vocal test. Second vocal test. Second morning vocal test.

Sheldon: All right, Elizabeth, the bathroom is yours. The seat is down, and has been sanitized for your protection.
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: That's very thoughtful, but I think I'll finish my coffee first.
Sheldon: Ah, so the yogurt didn't work. I'll fire off a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.

Penny: You know what? It's none of my business. If you want to sleep with Sheldon's doctor buddy right after we stopped seeing each other, go for it.
Leonard: Well, now...
Sheldon: Excuse me. I'm uncomfortable with you recommending that Leonard pursue having intercourse with Dr. Plimpton, who I assure you has better things to do.
Penny: I'm not recommending it. I'm saying it already happened.
Sheldon: That's preposterous. Tell her, Leonard.
Leonard: Well...
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Come on. It wasn't my fault.
Sheldon: The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?

Sheldon: Go Team Leonard!

Sheldon: Well then, as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig but nobody wanted bacon.

Wolowitz: You said you were going for a walk.
Sheldon: I didn't say outside.

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: You may wanna sit down.
Leonard: I'm in bed.
Sheldon: Point taken. You may wanna sit up.

Penny:I think we can make it.
Leonard: Make what?
Penny: Make it as friends.
Leonard:Can we be friends that are having sex?
Penny: What?
Leonard: Don't worry I was just goofin' around.
*Leonard and Penny got out of Sheldon's room*
Sheldon: *dreaming* Not Goofy, no!

Leonard: Hey, where've you been?
Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.
Howard: What's wrong with you? You can't hang out with your roommate's ex. That's totally uncool.
Leonard: No, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it.
Raj: Yeah, he's over it; that's why he's been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
Howard: So would Ben Affleck.

Penny: So, how've you been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.

Sheldon: I didn't want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?
Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.

Sheldon: I was going to get my mail.
Penny: Okay. Are you hoping to get it telepathically?
Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus.