Leonard: What do you want from me? I just don't give a rat's ass.
Howard: Would that be a giant rat's ass?
Sheldon: For the record, giant rats are possible.

Leonard: Can we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?
Howard: Okay, how about this for a topic, why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are. Leonard's being one.

Raj: Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny.
Leonard: No, there was no spat.
Howard: Oh, but something happened.
Leonard: I don't want to talk about it.
Sheldon: But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. Excuse me.

Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your mama. Unless, of course, she bowls well. In which case, you bowl nothing like her.
Stuart: Oh. Ouch.
Sheldon: That is what is referred to as a burn on you.

Sheldon: Remember, seven o'clock.
Penny: Got it.
Sheldon: Pacific Daylight time!
Penny: Bite me!
Sheldon: Please reserve that butch spirit for the lanes.

Howard: I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes.
Sheldon: These are my own bowling shoes.
Howard: Then what's with the disinfectant?
Sheldon: I know where my feet have been.

Sheldon: A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. Before you jump on Twitter to tout your modest accomplishment, watch how its really done.

Penny: What?
Sheldon: This is for you.
Penny: Ice cream?
Sheldon: I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip Cathy. When she's upset, she says Ack! and eats ice cream.
Penny: Um, Ack!
Sheldon: If you were a cat, I would have brought you a lasagna.

Penny: Did Leonard send you over here?
Sheldon: No, we haven't spoken since your abrupt departure last night caused us to forfeit to Stuart and his dastardly ringer Wil Wheaton.
Penny: Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
Sheldon: I'm not too proud to admit that I cried myself to sleep.

Sheldon: And let me tell you sleep did not come easily with Leonard in the next room singing along with Alanis Morrisette.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream.

Sheldon: All right! Fence mended, problem swept under the rug. Time to bowl! Yes, I was eavesdropping. There's a lot at stake here.

Sheldon: Did you let Wil Wheaton get in your head?
Penny: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: He's evil. He plays evil mind games. Did he tell you his grandmother died?
Penny: No!
Sheldon: Well, if he does, don't believe it. He's not above playing the dead meemaw card.

Sheldon: Hello, I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.

Sheldon: Question: Where are my Pants?

Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge".