Sheldon: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side. Bazinga!

Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-men.

Sheldon: Now to the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Now here's Uranus!

Sheldon: People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me. If the children can’t run, leave them behind. Oh, the simulated horror!

Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was a giant. But everything around me was to scale so it all looked normal.
Leonard: Well, how did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
Sheldon: I was wearing size a million pants.

Raj: You own the damn thing, just take a freaking sweater.
Sheldon: I didn't turn a profit last quarter by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly.

Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright.
Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you.
Penny: Yes, but you're not smarter than all of us put together.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, that is what I meant.

Sheldon: So, just to clarify, when you say three, do we stand up or do we pee?

Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?

Sheldon: You hit me. I'm bleeding.

Sheldon: Give us the precious!

Sheldon: Oh, here's a fun fact. Ketchup started out as a general term for sauce, typically made of mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean, and grape.

Howard: So Sheldon, how's it feel to be beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero.

Penny: That is so sad.
Sheldon: No, what's sad is that you don't know Adam West is TV's Batman.

Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?
Sheldon: Well, it's very simple. In our ragtag of scientists with nothing to lose, I'm the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails, and that leaves you, by default, as the muscle.
Leonard: One more floor, and I'd be the pulled muscle.