Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 209 of 249

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Quote from the episode The Ornithophobia Diffusion

Sheldon: Trust me, if I had a death ray I wouldn't be living here. I'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.

Quote from the episode The Ornithophobia Diffusion

Leonard: Too casual?
Sheldon: For an audience with the queen, yes. For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trash can, you look great.

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Sheldon: I just want you both to know, when I publish my findings, I won't forget your contributions.
Howard: Great.
Sheldon: Of course, I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech. But, when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Sheldon: You fellas are planning a party for me, aren't you?
Howard: Okay, Sheldon, sit down.
Sheldon: If there's going to be a theme, I should let you know that I don't care for luau, toga, or under the sea.

Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

Sheldon: (To his spot) Hello, old friend, Daddy's home.

Quote from the episode The Barbarian Sublimation

Sheldon: Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Atzel's fortress. Now, this is a long run, so let's do another bladder check. All right, Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor.

Quote from the episode The Barbarian Sublimation

Sheldon: Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm.

Quote from the episode The Barbarian Sublimation

Sheldon: You're in my bedroom.
Penny: Yeah, Leonard gave me an emergency key.
Sheldon: People can't be in my bedroom.

Quote from the episode The Barbarian Sublimation

Penny: Can we go talk in the living room?
Sheldon: I'm not wearing pajama bottoms.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: I spilled grape juice.
Penny: Well, wear different pajamas.
Sheldon: I can't wear different pajamas. These are my Monday pajamas.

Quote from the episode The Euclid Alternative

Sheldon: We're gonna have to stop at Pottery Barn on our way to work. I bought these Star Wars sheets, but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me.

Quote from the episode The Euclid Alternative

Sheldon: Just because your career's been stagnant for a few years, that's no reason to give up.

Quote from the episode The Euclid Alternative

Leonard: Didn't I tell you I'd be working nights and you'd have to make others arrangements?
Sheldon: You did.
Leonard: And?
Sheldon: I didn't.

Quote from the episode The Euclid Alternative

Sheldon: How am I gonna get to work.
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: But I can't take the bus. They don't have seat belts. And they won't let you latch yourself to the seat with bungee chords.
Leonard: You tried to latch yourself to the seat with bungee chords?
Sheldon: I didn't try, I succeeded. For some reason, it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus.

Quote from the episode The Euclid Alternative

Sheldon: Your check-engine light is on.
Penny: Uh huh.
Sheldon: Typically, that's an indicator to, you know, check your engine.
Penny: It's fine. It's been on for like a month.
Sheldon: Well, actually that would be all the more reason to, you know, check your engine.
Penny: Sheldon, it's fine.
Sheldon: If it were fine, the light wouldn't be on. That's why the manufacturer installed that light, to let you know it's not fine.
Penny: Maybe the light's broken.
Sheldon: Is there a check-the-check-engine-light light?

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14 and had already achieved more than you could ever hope to, despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics. It's more likely that you will spend your careers teaching fifth graders how to make paper-mache volcanoes with baking-soda lava.
Leonard: Oh, good God.
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make any significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you. A cruel trick indeed. Any questions? Of course not. I weep for the future of science. Now, if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out. Come, Leonard.
Leonard: Laser demonstration's looking pretty good now, huh?

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