Santa: (By a cannon, pointed at Sheldon) This is for leaving me in the dungeon to be eaten alive by ogres!
Sheldon: Wait, uh, uh, hang on. In my defense
Santa: Ho, ho, ho, ya big dork. (Fires cannon)

Sheldon: My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day.
Alex: What?
Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time.

Sheldon: Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up.

Sheldon: Hello Leonard, do you like my bongos?

Sheldon: Bet you didn't know that I play bongos.

Sheldon: My fists are not up because I'm milking a giant invisible cow.

Leonard: Okay Sheldon, to start our quest, you need to open this little Christmas gift I got you.
Sheldon: Christmas? You know I don't enjoy Christmas.
Stuart: Why not?
Sheldon: Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors. Overuse of the words 'tis' and 'twas'. And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everybody knows that socks comes in pairs. Who uses one sock?
Howard: A pirate with a peg leg?
Sheldon: Actually, that helps, thank you.

Sheldon: I assure you, you'll be sorry that you wasted your money on an iPod when Microsoft comes out with theirs.
Rajesh: Do you have an opinion about everything?
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: And you just assume you're right?
Sheldon: It's not an assumption.

Sheldon: You know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served nude.

Sheldon: So I can't wear my Silver Surfer necktie but you can wear a bathrobe?

Sheldon: Your threats are empty. Nothing can move me.
(Howard drives his car slowly towards Sheldon, pushing his chair forward)
Sheldon: That's it! I'm calling campus security! You prepare for the scolding of your life!

(Howard's car horn blares)
(Sheldon puts his headphones on)
Howard: Those aren't going to help you, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Oh yes, they are. I mean, what?

Sheldon: Leonard, make Howard stop being naked in my spot!

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Amy.
*knock knock knock* Amy
*knock knock knock* Angry Amy.

Sheldon: Someday scientists will discover that second X chromosome contains nothing but nonsense and twaddle.