Leonard: Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap to play paintball?
Sheldon: Who said that? Leonard, I can hear your voice, but I can't see you.

Sheldon: Okay, here we go. This is us here. To the south is Professor Loomis and the Geology Department. According to their Twitter feed, they're out of sunblock, which means they'll have to hug the tree line or risk melanoma. That's our edge. All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge, the rock-worshipping pasty-faced bastards won't know what hit them. All right, let's move out.

Leonard: You know what, guys, I'm not in the mood for paintball. What do you say we just bag it?
Howard: Fine with me.
Raj: Sure, whatever.
Sheldon: You can't quit. That’s a court-martial offense. That's punishable by … You can't quit.

Leonard: I'd like to propose a toast to the man whose noble sacrifice inspired our victory, Captain Sheldon Cooper.
Howard: Here, here.
Sheldon: Excuse me. It's Major Sheldon Cooper. With my last breath, I awarded myself a battlefield promotion. It's kind of a big deal.

Sheldon: You know what I like to do when I'm forced to speak with those beneath my intellectual station? I bring up an interesting topic, like the difference between Spider-Man and spiders.
Howard: Thanks, Sheldon. I'll try that with my father-in-law.
Sheldon: No, you can't use that one. That's mine.

Sheldon: Uh, try this one for an ice-breaker. Uh, despite popular lore, there is no place in the continental United States, Alaska or Hawaii from which one can dig straight through the center of the earth and come up in China.
Howard: Great, thank you.
Sheldon: Actually, you can't have that one either. It's too good. Sorry.

Amy: I think I'm too sick to go to the funeral.
Sheldon: You're sick? You poor kid. Well, see ya.
Amy: Sheldon, aren't you gonna take care of me?
Sheldon: Me? No. No, I'm not that kind of doctor.
Amy: But our relationship agreement clearly states that when one of us is sick, the other must take care of them.
Sheldon: Oh, no, I see the confusion. No, the intent behind that clause was to force you to take care of me when I'm ill. When you're feeling better, you'll think that's funny.

Sheldon: 102.2. Exactly what it was half an hour ago. It's like you're not even trying to get better.
Amy: Sheldon, you don't get over the flu in half an hour.
Sheldon: Well, not with that attitude.

Sheldon: (reading) And the control group displayed significantly fewer genetic abnormalities. But, because of flaws in the experimental design relating to environment and diet, they lived inconclusively ever after. The end.

Bernadette: How's the poor thing?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.

Sheldon: Uh, I'm going to draw you a soothing bath. Where's your bath thermometer?
Amy: I don't have a bath thermometer.
Sheldon: Fine. Then I'm going to draw you a nerve-wracking bath of indeterminate temperature.

Sheldon: It hurts that you would lie to me, Amy. I thought our relationship was based on trust and a mutual admiration that skews in my favor.

Sheldon: It pains me to say it, but I think some form of penalty is in order, so as to discourage this type of behavior in the future.
Amy: I suppose that's fair. What do you suggest?
Sheldon: In a perfect world, I'd lock you in a stockade in the public square. That probably requires a permit.
Amy: I could not be allowed to go to the opening of the next Star Trek movie.
Sheldon: Oh, that seems overly harsh. I mean, you gave in to a human weakness, you didn't kill a man.

Sheldon: What happened?
Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover lab. He says he's in trouble. DEFCON 5.
Sheldon: DEFCON 5? Well, there's no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: DEFCON 5 means no danger. DEFCON 1 is a crisis.

Sheldon: So what exactly do you want us to do?
Howard: I need you and Raj to help me get the Rover out of the ditch, and I need you to get Stephanie out before somebody notices she's here. She doesn't exactly have clearance.
Sheldon: Really? They don't let strange women from honky-tonks come in and play with $200million government projects on distant planets?