Howard: Oh, my God. Leonard, someone's stealing your car!
Leonard: What? Hey, hey! Come back here!
Raj: Stop!
Sheldon: Stealing is against the law!

Raj: I'll call 911. What, oh, no, my phone is in my other pants.
Howard: Oh, so is mine.
Leonard: Mine, too. Anybody got any ideas?
Sheldon: Nope. The only thing left to do now is assign blame. (To Raj) Nice going.

Leonard: Come on, let's just start walking. There's got to be a gas station or something nearby.
Sheldon: What, you think just because you're wearing a captain's uniform, you're in charge?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: All right.

Penny: So, do you know who's in there?
Sheldon: Well, there's Leonard. ... (Picking up violin case) And he's either with Leslie Winkle or a 1930s gangster.

Leonard: Well what did she mean by that? Was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?
Sheldon: You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double decker. This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.
Leonard: Are you even listening to me?
Sheldon: Of course I'm listening. Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah.

Bernadette: When's he coming?
Penny: Uh, he gets in on Sunday, and Monday morning, I'm gonna give him a tour of the labs and offices.
Sheldon: Oh. He gets in on Sunday, April first? (chuckles) Nice try, Penny.
Penny: What're you talking about?
Sheldon: April Fools' Day. This is another one of your classic pranks you try to pull on me every year.
Penny: Literally never pulled a prank on you.
Sheldon: Oh, really? What about last year, when you sent me that e-mail with the photo attached, but you didn't attach a photo.
Penny: That was a mistake.
Sheldon: Messing with me? Yes, it was. And this year, I am not falling for it.

Sheldon: I folded your laundry for you. You're welcome.
Penny: Uh, that's not mine.
Sheldon: You're saying that these aren't yours?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: So you're saying that I'm touching a stranger's underpants?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: And just like that, it's the worst day of my life.

Sheldon: I just need you to tell me the truth. This is driving me crazy.
Penny: Sheldon, he is really coming.
Sheldon: Is he?
Penny: He is.
Sheldon: Really?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, now I don't know what to believe!

Sheldon: Oh. Hi, Leonard.
Leonard: Didn't you hear me yell "hold the door"?
Sheldon: I did. But you know what they say, "hold the door, get robbed some more."
Leonard: No one says that.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, they should, because it's true, and it rhymes.

Leonard: It's not an April Fools' joke, Sheldon. I actually went to a hotel and met him.
Sheldon: Right, right. Okay, so, uh, "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you "went to."
Leonard: Why is "went to" in quotes?
Sheldon: Fine. So "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you went to.

Sheldon: Hello, Leonard. Thought I'd find you here. You snake.
Howard: What's going on?
Sheldon: He sent me all the way to Thousand Oaks to meet Bill Gates when he knew full well he wasn't staying there.
Raj: Wha-- Leonard, that's terrible.
Howard: Yeah, why would you do that? You know he's staying at the DoubleTree in Long Beach.
Sheldon: Aha! Wait. How do I know you're not tricking me?
Howard: We probably are.
Raj: But what if we're not?
Sheldon: You think you're so smart. You think I'm going to fall for it again, don't you? Well, I won't.
Leonard: Where you going?
Sheldon: Shut up.

Sheldon: Who are all these people? What, is this a flash mob?
Howard: Are they dancing?
Sheldon: I don't know what today's dancing looks like.

Howard: Why are you being such a baby about the crowds? You go to Comic-Con.
Sheldon: You-- I'm sorry. You're comparing this place to Comic-Con? Well, can I go to the bathroom here next to a Wookiee who got his zipper stuck in his fur?
Howard: Wow, we go to Comic-Con for different reasons.

Sheldon: You're wise, and you smell like books. You really are the whole package.

Penny: What is going on here?
Leonard: You're the tenants association?
Sheldon: (laughs) You should see the look on your face. You might want to tell your wife that there's no "Y" in "pastrami".