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Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 247 of 255

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Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Leonard: Sheldon, we have to do this.
Sheldon: No we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep ourselves from dying. Everything else is optional.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Leonard: Okay, let me put it this way, I'm doing it.
Sheldon: You can't. I'm the lead author.
Leonard: Oh, come on. The only reason you're the lead author is because we went alphabetically.
Sheldon: I let you think we went alphabetically to spare you the humiliation of dealing with the fact that it was my idea. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was throwing you a bone. You're welcome.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Leonard: Excuse me, I designed the experiment that proved the hypothesis.
Sheldon: It doesn't need proving.
Leonard: So the entire scientific community is just supposed to take your word?
Sheldon: They're not supposed to, but they should.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Penny: So you and Leonard-
Sheldon: Oh dear God.
Penny: Little misunderstanding, huh?
Sheldon: A little misunder- Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Penny: Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this morning and I think he feels really bad about it.
Sheldon: Huh.
Penny: Well, how do you feel?
Sheldon: I don't understand the question.
Penny: Well I'm just asking if it's difficult to be fighting with your best friend.
Sheldon: Oh. I hadn't thought about it like that. I wonder if I've been experiencing physiological manifestations of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil.
Penny: Wait, what?
Sheldon: I couldn't poop this morning.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Penny: You should just talk to him, I'm sure you guys can work this out.
Sheldon: It's certainly preferable to my plan.
Penny: Which was?
Sheldon: A powerful laxative.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Sheldon: Were you trying to impress Penny?
Leonard: No, no not at all. ... A little bit.
Sheldon: How'd that work out for you?
Penny: (entering the apartment) Leonard, ready to go?
Sheldon: Libido 1, Truth 0.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Leonard: You cannot possibly be that arrogant.
Sheldon: You continue to underestimate me, my good man.

Quote from the episode The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Sheldon: As I have explained repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds. No offense.
Leonard: Really, so why did you come?
Sheldon: Because I knew you’d screw this up.
Leonard: I didn't screw it up.
Sheldon: Oh, please. I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious. But it was straight downhill from there.

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge in it.
Penny: Then swim to cuba.
Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: Damn you, walletnook.com!
Leonard: Problem?
Sheldon: The online description was completely misleading. They said 8 slots plus removable ID. To any rational person, that would mean room for nine cards. But they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot. It's a nightmare!

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: Virgin diet cuba libre please.
Penny: OK.
Sheldon: In a tall glass with a lime wedge.
Penny: Oh I'll wedge it right in there.

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: (On the phone) This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium. Yeah, well, I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet. No, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. Oh, I'll miss you too. Bye-bye.

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?
Wolowitz: Every year at ComiCon. Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house. Of course they prefer if you have a kid.

Quote from the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon: Okay, I know you're texting about me and I'd really like you to stop.

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