Vote for your favorite The Big Bang Theory episodes in our tournament

Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 248 of 262

Searching Search quotes

Quote from the episode The Extract Obliteration

Sheldon: I'll walk you through it. This game is not called Words with Strangers. No, it's not even called Words with Acquaintances. It's called Words with-
Raj: I'm not finishing your sentence. You pulled the plug on my funk.
Sheldon: Friends! It's Words with Friends. Which Stephen Hawking and I officially are. Now all I need is a bunk bed with a slide, and I'll have everything I've ever wanted since I was six years old.

Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation

Sheldon: All right, let me show you some of the features of the room. First, windows. Conventional. Open, closed, open, closed. Halfway open or halfway closed, depending on your philosophical bent. Over here is my comic book collection. Feel free to browse. There's a box of disposable reading gloves on the night stand.

Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation

Howard: Okay, you know what, when they wake up, we can try one or two of these.
Sheldon: [gasps] Yay! [loudly] I said, "Yay!"

Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation

Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: Can I ask a question about your roommate?
Sheldon: He's an odd duck, isn't he?
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: What's his relationship status?
Sheldon: Well, there was a misbegotten adventure with a waitress who lives across the hall. It ended as inexplicably as it began. They had very little in common, except for carnal activity. That's why I acquired these noise-canceling headphones. If you decide to use them, please clean the ear pieces afterwards with the Wet Wipes you'll find in the bathroom. They're in the drawer labeled Wet Wipes.

Quote from the episode The Comic-Con Conundrum

Amy: Penny says they're ready to go. Very well.
Sheldon: Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?

Quote from the episode The Extract Obliteration

Leonard: Hang on. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Chess clock. We each get five minutes to talk about our problems. We'll take turns. Each turn will consist of a statement and a helpful response from the friend. Begin.
Sheldon: I humiliated Stephen Hawking in a game of Words with Friends. He stopped playing, and now we're not friends anymore.
Leonard: He's probably busy. You're worried about nothing. Give it a couple more days. I'm sure he'll play, and you'll see that everything's fine. My turn. I can't let Penny hand in a bad paper, but how do I tell her it's bad without letting her know that I read it?
Sheldon: Hmm. Beats me. Now, I know Hawking's not busy because I can see he's playing other people right now.
Leonard: Maybe since you're so good, he's taking his time to meet the challenge. I want Penny to enjoy school...
Sheldon: Wolowitz told me he's a big baby. But I didn't know that, and I played extract for 82 points. It's all Amy's fault. She told me to play it. I have got to cut her loose.

Quote from the episode The Desperation Emanation

Amy: I understand that some people find mates in social gathering places such as bars or taverns. Have you tried a bar or tavern?
Leonard: No, I'm not gonna try to pick up a woman in a bar.
Sheldon: Wise decision. You see, Amy, success at a bar is based on classic male attributes such as height, strength, attractiveness, the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts, separately or together. Leonard has none of these attributes, right, Leonard?
Leonard: Right.

Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation

Sheldon: Vocal test. Morning vocal test. Second vocal test. Second morning vocal test.

Quote from the episode The Comic-Con Conundrum

Sheldon: I can't wait to tell them.
Amy: No, you're not gonna tell them anything. You're gonna stay out of it.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Because it's between them.
Sheldon: Well, if you haven't noticed, I've been between them for the last ten years.

Quote from the episode The Extract Obliteration

Leonard: Sheldon, I wasn't done talking. She hands in the paper tomorrow. I know I could help her. And she's my girlfriend. I, I should be allowed to help her. Why aren't I allowed to help her?
Sheldon: Yeah, I hear you, brother.
Leonard: No. You need to give me some advice.
Sheldon: Fine. Women, huh?
Leonard: No, specific to my situation.
Sheldon: Blond women, huh?
Leonard: Empathetic.
Sheldon: It sucks to be you.
Leonard: I quit.

Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Sheldon: (reading) And the control group displayed significantly fewer genetic abnormalities. But, because of flaws in the experimental design relating to environment and diet, they lived inconclusively ever after. The end.

Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation

Sheldon: All right, Elizabeth, the bathroom is yours. The seat is down, and has been sanitized for your protection.
Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton: That's very thoughtful, but I think I'll finish my coffee first.
Sheldon: Ah, so the yogurt didn't work. I'll fire off a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.

Quote from the episode The Extract Obliteration

Sheldon: Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Oh, of course, it only works on the weak-minded.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: All right. Here we go. L-minus ten, nine-
Sheldon: Wait, what are you doing? It's "T-minus".
Howard: I was an astronaut. We used L-minus.
Sheldon: But this is a Saturn V, and when they launched those, they said "T-minus"
Howard: It's my rocket! We're doing it my way.
Sheldon: Fine. I'm not saying I know why your dad left, but I think I'm getting an idea.
Howard: L-minus ten, nine, eight, seven, six-
Sheldon: 'Cause you're kind of bossy.

Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Bernadette: How's the poor thing?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.

Showing quotes 3,706 to 3,720 of 3,927Sort by  popularity | date added | episode