Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 249 of 262

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Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Bernadette: How's the poor thing?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.

Quote from the episode The Desperation Emanation

Leonard: Look, she obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level.
Sheldon: I don't want the next level. I like this level. Fix it for me!
Leonard: Me? Well, how am I supposed to fix it?
Sheldon: Simple! You want a girlfriend, Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.
Leonard: That is insane.
Sheldon: You're right. It would never work. Amy finds you tedious.

Quote from the episode The Novelization Correlation

Wil Wheaton: I want to have more female scientists represented on the show, and I thought maybe Amy might be interested?
Sheldon: Or wouldn't it be nice to have us both on, to show that even female scientists can land a man?
Howard: I said sorry.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Amy: So we put a little picture of me and a little picture of Sheldon in it.
Penny: In-in the locket?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: That was in a lost and found box?
Sheldon: Exactly.
Penny: Where we hid it?
Sheldon: So really, you gave us three amazing gifts. You gave the locket, the adventure and the realization that Amy and I can do anything as long as we work together.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Raj: They know that we're not exclusive, and we just don't ask too many questions.
Sheldon: You know, it's like how I play Warlords of Ka'a with you and Elder Sign with Frank and Alicia.
Leonard: Who's Frank and Alicia?
Sheldon: You, you and I spend a lot of time together. Can there be a little mystery between us?

Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Sheldon: Uh, I'm going to draw you a soothing bath. Where's your bath thermometer?
Amy: I don't have a bath thermometer.
Sheldon: Fine. Then I'm going to draw you a nerve-wracking bath of indeterminate temperature.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Sheldon: I am going to record this for posterity.
Leonard: All right, here goes nothing.
Sheldon: Here goes nothing? This is the initial test of our prototype. Can we give it a little more gravitas?
Leonard: Fine. Preliminary trial of the infinite persistence gyroscopic navigational system, phase one commencing.
Sheldon: Eh, maybe it's your voice. I'm gonna see if I can get James Earl Jones to do it in post.

Quote from the episode The Gyroscopic Collapse

Amy: Does this mean you're okay with me going?
Sheldon: Well, I'm not looking forward to it, but it is a wonderful opportunity and you need to take it. Besides, Princeton is in New Jersey, so it's not like you're gonna want to stay.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Howard: That was amazing, Sheldon.
Stuart: How did you know that?
Sheldon: It was simple. I combined a well-known historical fact about Bohemia with the memory of my grandparents, Mee-Maw and Pop-Pop, singing Christmas carols while I sat in front of the fire and tried to build a high-energy particle accelerator out of Legos.
Leonard: Okay, continuing our quest.
Sheldon: Wait. There's still four more verses. You don't sing a song and not finish it.
Hither, page, and stand by me, if thou know'st it, telling. Yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling? Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost...

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Sheldon: Good evening, Leonard, Howard, Raj, freeloader.
Howard: So, how'd the lecture go?
Sheldon: In a word, triumphant.
Leonard: Really? Triumphant?
Sheldon: Oh, yes, you should have seen those young people. Thirsty for knowledge, drinking in my wisdom. I may have changed a few lives today.

Quote from the episode The Extract Obliteration

Sheldon: I will play the word "at" for two measly points, throwing the game and thus securing my friendship with the smartest man in the world.
Howard: What are you waiting for? Hit send.
Sheldon: I can't. Losing on purpose is intellectually dishonest.
Raj: So don't do it.
Sheldon: Oh, but I want to be Hawking's friend.
Howard: So do it.
Sheldon: Oh, but if I do, I'll be a phony, a sellout, a Hollywood poser.
Raj: Then don't do it.
Sheldon: I won't. This feels right. My mother always said, to thine own self be true.
Howard: Good for you.
Sheldon: 'course she also told me that every animal in the world got on one boat, so what does she know? And send.

Quote from the episode The Desperation Emanation

Leonard: Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look?
Sheldon: As if one of the plants from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel.

Quote from the episode The Monetary Insufficiency

Stuart: Okay, well, you know, I'm gonna have to open it to assess its condition.
Sheldon: Just be gentle. It's never felt the touch of a man before.
Stuart: You don't seem like you really want to sell these.
Sheldon: Of course I don't want to sell these. These are all important to me, but not as important as science, and if this is the sacrifice I need to make, then so be it.
Stuart: Okay. Uh, why don't you leave these here with me, and I'll-I'll price 'em out for you.
Sheldon: Is it okay if I stand here and watch?
Stuart: Sure.
Sheldon: [running out of the store] If anyone asks, tell them I was brave.

Quote from the episode The Comic-Con Conundrum

Bernadette: Keep it. Consider it a gift.
Sheldon: Hold on. Is it back pay or is it a gift?
Bernadette: What's the difference?
Sheldon: When the IRS questions us in separate rooms, we need to have our stories straight.

Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Sheldon: It hurts that you would lie to me, Amy. I thought our relationship was based on trust and a mutual admiration that skews in my favor.

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