Sheldon: They wanted you?
Leonard: Yes, Sheldon, they wanted me. I'm smart. I'm nice.
Sheldon: I'm smart. I'm nice. And I can eat cheese without clearing out a room.
Leonard: Are you upset he didn't ask you?
Sheldon: Of course not. I just think it's interesting that of all the people he knows, he thinks you're the best choice.
Leonard: Well, he does. I don't see why Penny is so against this.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps Penny's worried that you haven't considered the emotional toll of knowing there's a child out there who is biologically yours but not actually yours.
Leonard: Wow, that's really insightful.
Sheldon: Yeah, I'm taller than you and I don't have asthma.

Sheldon: Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Amy: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Sheldon: And this is: Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present-
Both: Dr. Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Flags.

Amy: Oh. Uh oh, my gosh, it's from Fermilab in Chicago.
Sheldon: Ah. Not surprising, the Windy City. Great flag town.

Sheldon: Well, too bad. This discovery belongs to Amy and me.
Dr. Pemberton: (sighs) Look, Dr. Cooper, we all want a Nobel Prize. Super-asymmetry could be the breakthrough that gets us there. But we can't fight over credit; we have to work together.
Sheldon: So you're saying that the four of us should just agree to share this discovery?
Dr. Pemberton: Well, no, unfortunately, only three people can share a Nobel.
Sheldon: Oh, that's right. So he's out?
Dr. Campbell: No, I'm not out.
Sheldon: So he's out?
Dr. Pemberton: Neither of us is out.

Leonard: Excuse me. Remember you all came here to check out my cool new laser?
Sheldon: Oh, right. I'm gonna go wait in the car.

Bernadette: Sheldon, if you like this stuff, why don't you come and do it with us?
Howard: Or instead of us?
Sheldon: [gasps] Do you mean it? No, no, wait, it's too late. You can't take it back.

Sheldon: Purell. Purell. Purell. Purell. Can I top anybody off?

Sheldon: You think you know people.
Amy: You do know them, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yeah, but-but do we? Do we really know them?
Amy: Yes!

Sheldon: They're rule breakers, Amy. And you know what we do with rule breakers?
Amy: Complain about them to our spouse until she's ready to drive into oncoming traffic?
Sheldon: You can't cross a double yellow line. What is this, the Purge?

Sheldon: Oh, hey, look. "Siglature."

Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Can you come over here?
Howard: Sheldon, the deck is safe. You can walk on it.
Sheldon: [after gently stepping onto the deck] Oh, that gets the heart going.

Sheldon: And you'll be happy to know that, while I was there, I did look into your neighbor's balcony, and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy, so I reported him hard.
Howard: What did they say?
Sheldon: He's going to have to remove it.
Bernadette: [chuckles] So the good guys win?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if I'd call you the good guys.You're enforcing a law on him that you're willfully ignoring yourselves.
Bernadette: Uh, all right, fine. So the morally compromised guys win.
Sheldon: Apparently so. Now, if one of you'd be kind enough to take me home, I need to use my bathroom.
Howard: What's wrong with the one here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I want to live.

Howard: Well, these two are out. There goes our guys' weekend.
Raj: Okay, so let's make it a couples' weekend. I'll bring Anu, you bring Bernadette.
Howard: I'm not sure Bernie would like it. Maybe I'll invite Stuart or Bert.
Sheldon: Oh, go with Bert! He's huge. It'd be fun to watch him float around. Like that time the Underdog balloon got away at the Macy's Parade.

Sheldon: Amy? There's something out here.
Amy: Just trap it under a cup, and I'll be there in a minute.
Sheldon: I'll try, but it's Leonard.
Amy: What? Well, what is he doing here?
Sheldon: I told you, if we left pizza on the counter, we'd attract something.

Leonard: Oh, hey, guys. Sorry. I used my key. I just needed a place to crash.
Amy: Is everything okay?
Leonard: Yeah, I had to get out of the apartment. My wife kept trying to have sex with me.
Sheldon: Been there.