Sheldon Cooper Quotes Page 254 of 262

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Quote from the episode The Wheaton Recurrence

Leonard: Can we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?
Howard: Okay, how about this for a topic, why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are. Leonard's being one.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Leonard: I am so stupid. I-I actually thought my mom was genuinely proud of me. It turns out, she's just using me as research for her new book.
Sheldon: Oh, what a relief. I thought Beverly was mad at me. Thank you, Leonard. That is a weight off my shoulders.

Quote from the episode The Decoupling Fluctuation

Leonard: Okay, I think I understand.
Sheldon: You do?
Leonard: The guy who seems like an emotionless robot is you, but your relationship with Amy is causing you to transform into a red-blooded man with sexual desires.
Sheldon: That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Leonard: I did notify you.
Sheldon: Oh, you did, did you? Oh, drat. Hoisted by my own spam filter.

Quote from the episode The Bus Pants Utilization

Leonard: That's enough, Sheldon.
Sheldon: All right, let's get right to the vote. Show of hands all those opposed to Leonard and his reign of tyranny.
Leonard: Okay, that's it. You're fired.
Sheldon: Really? Why?
Leonard: Because you're impossible to work with.
Sheldon: I see. And is that open for discussion?

Quote from the episode The Wheaton Recurrence

Raj: Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny.
Leonard: No, there was no spat.
Howard: Oh, but something happened.
Leonard: I don't want to talk about it.
Sheldon: But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. Excuse me.

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Sheldon: Very well. I'll set the scene.
Penny: All right.
Sheldon: East Texas. A warm summer night. A woman, Mary, stands on a porch. In the distance, we hear a lonesome train whistle. Woo-woo. The droning buzz of cicadas. Zzzzzzzzz. A coyote howls at the moon, frightening sensitive young boys everywhere. Ow-ow-ow! Out in the woods, an owl screeches.
Penny: Okay, okay. We get it. You set the scene.
Sheldon: Hoot!

Quote from the episode The Staircase Implementation

Sheldon: Wait, let me get my jacket.
Howard: You're not going with us.
Sheldon: Why not?
Raj: You're the guy we're trying to get away from.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, in that case, I don't need my jacket. And for the record, the correct syntax is I'm the guy from whom you're trying to get away.

Quote from the episode The Bus Pants Utilization

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh. Good morning, shoemaker. I think you'll be pleased with what the elves were up to last night.
Leonard: But I fired you.
Sheldon: Oh, I know. I'm now an independent contractor.
Leonard: No, you are now nothing. You have no connection to this project whatsoever.
Sheldon: But I made it better.
Leonard: I don't want it better. I want it my way.
Sheldon: Well, that speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Penny: Now just read your mother's line.
Sheldon: Shelly! Shelly, how many times have I told you not to leave your sciencey stuff out on the porch? Goodness, I'll never understand that boy. But then again, I'm a religious nut, and my mind is closed to so many things.
Penny: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Spock to Enterprise. Transport successful.
Sheldon: Glory be to Heaven, some sort of creature just manifested out of thin air. George, put down that Pepsi can full of bourbon that ain't foolin' no one, and get your shotgun!

Quote from the episode The Decoupling Fluctuation

Sheldon: Leonard, maybe you'd like to go with them to meet girls.
Leonard: Why would I be interested? I have Penny.
Sheldon: Yeah, for now. But that woman has a death wish, Leonard. She talks to strangers, she pets unfamiliar dogs, and it is ridiculously easy to break into her apartment. If I were you, I'd get a back-up.

Quote from the episode The Wheaton Recurrence

Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your mama. Unless, of course, she bowls well. In which case, you bowl nothing like her.
Stuart: Oh. Ouch.
Sheldon: That is what is referred to as a burn on you.

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Sheldon: Oh, Shelly? A man's here to take you away to the future. Be sure to pack clean underwear.
Penny: That's good. That's good. That's good.
Sheldon: Mommy, why are you crying? 'cause I'm gonna miss you, Shelly-bean, even though you creep the bejeezus out of me.
Penny: Okay, I guess we're improvising now.
Sheldon: Well I'm sorry. It's not my fault. I'm just incredibly smart, and everyone around here is dumber than a bag of rocks. Oh, now, don’t you start crying. You get in that spaceship. Mommy's late for Indian bingo.

Quote from the episode The Bus Pants Utilization

Sheldon: Good morning, friend Howard, friend Raj. I see you gentlemen are enjoying beverages. Perhaps they would taste better out of these.
Raj: "World's Greatest Astrophysicist"?
Sheldon: Don't thank me. You earned it.
Howard: "Howard Wolowitz". Why not "World's Greatest Engineer"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I typed that into the label maker, but I just couldn't press enter.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Sheldon: Here is a hot beverage to comfort you. It's in a to-go cup. Make of that what you will.

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