Leonard: Do you really need the Honorary Justice League of America Membership card?
Sheldon: It's been in every wallet I owned since I was five.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It says keep this on your person at all times. It's right here under Batman's signature.

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's rum and Coke, without the rum?
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?

Sheldon: How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?
Wolowitz: Every year at ComiCon. Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house. Of course they prefer if you have a kid.

Penny: I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bar-tending shift, so I need to practice mixing drinks.
Leonard: That's Great! The key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition.
Sheldon: With certain obvious exceptions. ... Suicide, for example.

Sheldon: A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge in it.
Penny: Then swim to cuba.
Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.

Sheldon: Sorry, I'm late.
Leonard: What happened?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just didn't want to come.

Sheldon: Damn you, walletnook.com!
Leonard: Problem?
Sheldon: The online description was completely misleading. They said 8 slots plus removable ID. To any rational person, that would mean room for nine cards. But they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot. It's a nightmare!

Sheldon: (On the phone) This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium. Yeah, well, I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet. No, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. Oh, I'll miss you too. Bye-bye.

Sheldon: Okay, I know you're texting about me and I'd really like you to stop.

Sheldon: Virgin diet cuba libre please.
Penny: OK.
Sheldon: In a tall glass with a lime wedge.
Penny: Oh I'll wedge it right in there.

Sheldon: I don't know how, but she is cheating! Nobody can be that attractive and this skilled at a videogame.

Sheldon: I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother.

Sheldon: Yeah, I apologize for my earlier outburst! Who needs Halo when we can be regaled delightfully with the folksy tale of the "whore of Omaha"?

Penny: OK, I have a problem!
Sheldon: It's called carpal tunnel syndrome, and quite frankly, you deserve it.

Penny: Anything else?
Sheldon: Yes. If you use my toothbrush, I will jump out that window. Please don't come to my funeral. Have a good night.