Sheldon: Kudos on the meatballs. They're nice and round.
Amy: Thanks.
Sheldon: Yeah. They're much better than those prolate spheroids you used to pass off as balls.

Sheldon: Frankly, I don't know what Linda ever saw in either of them.

Sheldon: Oh, maybe I should pick her up.
Amy: You don't drive.
Sheldon: That's what makes you and me a great team. Go get your keys.

Leonard: You can't pick her up. It'll make me look like a bad son.
Sheldon: I imagine that's one of the things we'll talk about on the ride. That and Amy's recent reluctance to use turn signals.
Amy: We were in a parking garage.

Leonard: I am so stupid. I-I actually thought my mom was genuinely proud of me. It turns out, she's just using me as research for her new book.
Sheldon: Oh, what a relief. I thought Beverly was mad at me. Thank you, Leonard. That is a weight off my shoulders.

Leonard: When am I gonna stop trying to win her approval? E-Every time I'm around her, I-I turn into this needy little eight-year-old boy.
Sheldon: You sound like that now and she's not even here.

Leonard: I know that, it's just after all these years, you'd think I would have learned.
Sheldon: Hmm. It's too bad you didn't. Well, see? Compassion.

Sheldon: And how does it feel to be married to a Nobel Prize winner?
Amy: You tell me.
Sheldon: Oh. Amy-centric. What a fun way to look at it.
Amy: I think so.
Sheldon: You would. That makes sense.

Sheldon: Hmm. What kind of tea is appropriate for winning a Nobel Prize and now everything is changing and you feel unmoored from reality?
Leonard: I don't know. Earl Grey?
Sheldon: You know, this is something I've wanted my whole life. But I guess I never considered how everything would be different.
Leonard: Buddy, I-I know it all feels overwhelming right now, but I promise you, things will settle down.
Sheldon: There's no Earl Grey! You filthy liar!

Penny: I'm serious. You have a ton of friends, you got married, moved into a new apartment, you wore a baseball hat that one time. Heck, you've had sex almost as many times as I have fingers.
Sheldon: More.
Penny: W-
Sheldon: By this many.
Penny: You dog!
Sheldon: It was the Avengers trailer.

Sheldon: But I do take your point. You know, you're also married, you have a successful career, you no longer dress like you're trying to attract sailors by the wharf.

Sheldon: Oh. Hey, look, that's Bernadette.
Bernadette: [on CNN:] I can't tell you how many times Dr. Fowler was gonna give up and I would say to her, "Amy, as your best friend, I'm not gonna let you quit."
Penny: Okay, I'm drinking again.
Sheldon: I'll join you. Waitress, uh, 95% Hawaiian Punch, five percent vodka.
Howard: [on CNN:] Let me tell you about the time Mr. Nobel Laureate wanted olives.
Bernadette: [on CNN:] This is a good one.
Sheldon: You know what, 90/10!

Amy: How about this: you can practice your acceptance speech while I try on the dress.
Sheldon: Ah, great. You can help me whittle it down to 90 minutes.

Sheldon: Hello? What did we just learn about the end of business meetings? [everyone groans as they shake each other's hands]

Sheldon: What would you like me to say?
Leonard: How about congratulating us?
Sheldon: Are congratulations even in order? I didn't think Penny wanted children.
Leonard: Well, she didn't, now she does. And just so you know, we weren't gonna tell anybody so we wouldn't upstage your big day.
Sheldon: Oh, please, you couldn't upstage us. We won a Nobel Prize. Any idiot can have a baby.
Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Case in point.