Sheldon: Did you bring the dehydrated low-sodium soy sauce?
Leonard: Check.
Sheldon: Freeze-dried spicy mustard?
Leonard: Check.
Sheldon: Flash-frozen brown rice, not white?
Leonard: Uh, oh, sorry.
Sheldon: Not to worry. I hid it. Bazinga!

Sheldon: [through virtual presence device] This is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay Conference on the theory of radiation and quanta. Using Photoshop, I've introduced a few anachronisms. See if you can spot all 24. I'll give you the first one. Madame Curie should not be wearing a digital watch. And go.
Leonard: That’s it. Bye-bye. [turns off screen]
Sheldon: [screen turns on] Bazinga.
Leonard: Whoa! [car swerves]
Sheldon: I have an override switch.
Leonard: I almost died!
Sheldon: And I'm safe and sound in bed. Who's crazy now?
Leonard: I'm still going to go with you.

Sheldon: No, no. You save your apologies for after you've had disappointing coitus with Penny.

Sheldon: Come on, Leonard, if you roll a six, Penny dies horribly in a nuclear meltdown. See what I mean when I say the fun is real?

Sheldon: I'm not interested in being published in Mad Magazine. Zingers fly fast in the Thunderdome, Barry.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not do cozy.

Sheldon: There was obvious someone else in her apartment. I have no choice but to assume the worst, given Leonard's lengthy sea voyage and Penny's famously ravenous nether regions.

Sheldon: You know, Amy, I don't understand. Are we broken up or not? It's like you can't make up your mind.
Amy: It's because you're not giving me any space to think.
Sheldon: Well, you should think fast. Because men can sire offspring their entire life, but those eggs you're toting around have a sell-by date.

Amy: You know, I had a feeling you were using the wrong computational model, but I didn't say anything 'cause you're so sensitive.
Sheldon: Just because I'm easily bothered by light, heat, smell, sound, and the way birds look at me does not mean I'm sensitive.

Sheldon: It's fine. I don't need to be a theoretical physicist. There's lots of things I could use this brain for. I could be an accountant for the mob. I could guess people's weight at the fair.

Wil Wheaton: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Here, I found this pizza flyer in your fence.
Wil Wheaton: Thank you.
Sheldon: Okay, now you owe me a favor. Turn down the role of Professor Proton.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, can we do this another time? Amy's just about to realize she wants to watch a Hulk marathon.

Sheldon: There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Leonard: Excuse me, but Einstein had a pretty busy sex life.
Sheldon: Yes, and he never unified gravity with the other forces. If he hadn't been such a hound dog, we'd all have time machines.

Leonard: How about the Asian Fusion place?
Sheldon: Fusion and Asians? I'm trying not to think about science.