Sheldon: It's fine. I don't need to be a theoretical physicist. There's lots of things I could use this brain for. I could be an accountant for the mob. I could guess people's weight at the fair.

Wil Wheaton: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Here, I found this pizza flyer in your fence.
Wil Wheaton: Thank you.
Sheldon: Okay, now you owe me a favor. Turn down the role of Professor Proton.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, can we do this another time? Amy's just about to realize she wants to watch a Hulk marathon.

Sheldon: There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Leonard: Excuse me, but Einstein had a pretty busy sex life.
Sheldon: Yes, and he never unified gravity with the other forces. If he hadn't been such a hound dog, we'd all have time machines.

Leonard: How about the Asian Fusion place?
Sheldon: Fusion and Asians? I'm trying not to think about science.

Sheldon: I was the nation's smartest caterpillar and after pupating in our nation's railway system, I have burst forth as the world's smartest butterfly.

Leonard: Until we get married a third time, you guys will never have to see each other again.
Alfred Hofstadter: Well, you know, actually that's not the case. Mary may visit me in New York.
Mary Cooper: Mm-hmm. And he's never been to Texas.
Alfred Hofstadter: Maybe we meet halfway.
Sheldon: In the Chattahoochee National Forest in Georgia? I can't be the only one that knows that's halfway.

Sheldon: Leonard, I've been meaning to ask you: what size shoe do you wear?
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: I'm trying to take more of an interest in other people's lives.
Leonard: That's nice. I wear a size eight and a half.
Sheldon: (giggles) That's small.

Amy: Tempting choices, but I have something special planned for tonight.
Sheldon: What can be more special than having an adequate amount of time to cross the street on your way to buy a tiny LEGO Indiana Jones?

Sheldon: Well, if you want romance then let's have romance. Oh look, there's wine. Mmm, grape juice that burns! Now let's gaze into each other's eyes. You blinked, I win.
Amy: Sheldon!
Sheldon: Let's see what's next. Oh, kissing's romantic.
*Sheldon kisses Amy*
Amy: That was nice.
Sheldon: Good.

Sheldon: As it happens, I'm also spending the day with a beloved children's science personality. Isn't that right, new friend and colleague Bill Nye, the Science Guy?
Sheldon: Sorry, I replaced you with a newer model.

Sheldon: Please let me know when you and your girlfriend are done hogging the bandwidth for your self-abuse. I'm trying to stream a movie on Netflix in here.

Sheldon: Boy, some people are just glass-half-empty.
Leonard: The glass is empty, Sheldon. It's completely empty. If you gave that glass to a man who was dying of thirst, he would be dead. Do you know why?
Sheldon: Before I answer, was he a smoker?

Sheldon: Here are some topics that interest me. Quantum mechanics, trains, flags--
Penny: No, no, it's about my acting career.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, that's not on the list.