Sheldon: Congratulations, Leonard, you passed my secret loyalty test. The truth is, I was never having an affair with the cafeteria lady. There's only one woman who gets to touch my no-no parts, and she's right here.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: No, no.

Leonard: Sheldon, why are you walking everywhere?
Sheldon: Just get a horse. I had a horse. It got hit by a train.
Leonard: Get another one.
Sheldon: I can't just replace Chauncey. I'm still in the grieving process.

Penny: You know, you're the only person who could win the biggest prize in science and still be upset about it.
Sheldon: It's just all the times I thought about winning, I never thought about how it would ch-- affect my life. I'm sorry, I'm genuinely concerned about your liver.

Sheldon: If I'd known this was about time travel, I'd have watched this much sooner.

Sheldon: No, I'm not okay. I'm wearing borrowed pants, I don't have ID, and one of the officers here won't stop calling me chicken legs.

Sheldon: Cathedra mea, regulae meae. That's Latin for my chair, my rules.

Sheldon: So, how is everyone?
Amy: Miserable and exhausted.
Sheldon: Really? I slept great.
Amy: Well, I didn't, and it's your fault.
Sheldon: How? You had the whole floor to yourself.

Amy: Well, since you sort of asked, I actually had a very good day. Got some new equipment for my lab.
Sheldon: Well, congratulations. I got some new equipment, too. I got these markers. They smell like fruit.
Which I did not notice when I bought them. (sniffs) Don't really care for it.

Sheldon: Leonard, let me tell you something. Personal robots cannot get here soon enough.

Sheldon: Oh apple juice stay where you are.

Sheldon: Just pick out anything? Maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size, or pick out his career for him without knowing his attitude, or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements or his feelings about little marshmallows.

Sheldon: All right. What would you like me to do first?
Howard: Well, I thought I'd start you off by polishing my belt buckles.
Sheldon: Oh. By all means. When I was a boy, I would polish my Mee-Maw's silver. And she would entertain me with stories about growing up in Oklahoma. Interesting woman. You know, she once killed a prairie dog with a gravy boat.
Howard: That's nice.

Sheldon: I am facing a great deal of work. And I do like things better when famous people also like them.

Sheldon: Hang on, hang on! We're smart, we can figure this out. Okay, so: Mary and Beverly can't be together. Uh, Alfred and Beverly can't be together. Leonard and I can't be together. Now, I could be with Alfred but I don't like his face.

Amy: Are you excited to see your son walk down the aisle?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes, I am. I'm just feeling a little guilty about all the trouble I've caused.
Mary Cooper: Oh, so am I.
Sheldon: You made God sad today, Mom.