Sheldon: You know, it's amazing how many super villains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.

Sheldon: I drank milk that tasted funny.

Sheldon: And you thought the opposite of stupid loser was a Community College Graduate?

Dr. Gablehauser: Okay, well, speaking of spreads, we're having a small welcoming party this afternoon for Mr. Kim who's agreed to join us here at the university.
Sheldon: Of course he has. The Oracle told us little Neo was the one. You can see the matrix, can't you?

Howard: How's the air matress?
Sheldon: It's okay, if you don't mind sleeping on a bouncy castle.

Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

Sheldon: Today, I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to... You know, that other guy.
Howard: Antonio Salieri?
Sheldon: Oh God, now even you're smarter than me.

Leonard: You could be Batman?
Sheldon: Yeah. I'm Batman. See?

Sheldon: Oh, and one more thing, it's on bitch.

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

Leonard: Are there any other honors that I've gotten that I don't know about? Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?
Sheldon: Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassles on flying carpets.

Sheldon: (Knocking on Penny's door early in the morning). Penny, Penny, Penny!
(Penny opens the door).
Sheldon: Good morning.
Penny: Do you have any idea what time it is?
Sheldon: Of course I do. My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to one-tenth of a second, but as I'm saying this it occurs to me once again your question may have been rhetorical.

Leonard: How long is he going to stay here?
Sheldon: He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard. Where's he going to go? Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.

Leonard: You are not Isaac Newton.
Sheldon: No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.

Leonard: Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?
Sheldon: Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out.