Sheldon: Hang on, hang on! We're smart, we can figure this out. Okay, so: Mary and Beverly can't be together. Uh, Alfred and Beverly can't be together. Leonard and I can't be together. Now, I could be with Alfred but I don't like his face.

Amy: Are you excited to see your son walk down the aisle?
Alfred Hofstadter: Yes, I am. I'm just feeling a little guilty about all the trouble I've caused.
Mary Cooper: Oh, so am I.
Sheldon: You made God sad today, Mom.

Howard: Do you have any advice for us?
Marty: Well, I don't know much about patent law. But, uh, my advice is: hear them out, offer as little information as possible, and whatever you do, don't sign anything.
Sheldon: "Don't sign anything"? That's your advice? Okay, so, uh, if during this meeting, one of us were to, say, complete an oil painting, you'd recommend that we leave that unsigned?
Marty: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: That's what you said.
Marty: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: This must be how you practice law in Boca Raton, by saying things you don't mean and meaning things you don't say.

Penny: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard's mad at me, so I'm making him lemon bars.
Penny: Does he even like lemon bars?
Sheldon: Not really. But I'm mad at him, too, so lemon bars it is.

Sheldon: Which side of the bed would you prefer?
Amy: Doesn't matter to me. Your choice.
Sheldon: No, no, we're living together now. Everything's equal. I know that I have a tendency to be controlling, so I would rather you choose.
Amy: Well, Sheldon, I really appreciate that, but these things mean more to you than they do to me, so whatever you want.
Sheldon: Well, clearly, it's not whatever I want, because what I want is for you to make this decision, and you refuse to do that.
Amy: Well, I'm not refusing. I'm just trying to be considerate.
Sheldon: Like when you let me get those shoes with the wheels on the bottom, and then watched me roll right into traffic?

(Amy enters from the ensuite bathroom after Sheldon overheard her pre-bed routine)
Amy: Why'd you switch sides?
Sheldon: Be grateful I'm still in the room.

Sheldon: So, how is everyone?
Amy: Miserable and exhausted.
Sheldon: Really? I slept great.
Amy: Well, I didn't, and it's your fault.
Sheldon: How? You had the whole floor to yourself.

Dr. Zane: I'm sorry, I'm sure you don't want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk.
Sheldon: Oh, no, I love it. No, but let's talk about work. Amy's work, my work. Yeah, why don't we start with my work?

Amy: It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon: Oh, you've already got Doctor Who and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.

Sheldon: Point of inquiry, why did you put your car key in the door lock?
Penny: Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?
Sheldon: Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...
Penny: I know what it means, Sheldon!

Sheldon: Amy. Thank goodness you're home. I don't know if you can tell, but I am literally losing my mind.
Amy: You are?
Sheldon: Isn't it obvious? I just used "literally" figuratively. Like a crazy person.

Amy: How come if we're the smart people, we don't do this every night?
Sheldon: What's sixteen times 14?
Amy: My burps taste like cranberry juice.
Sheldon: And there's your answer.

Sheldon: Excuse me. Thirty what, under thirty what, to watch what?
Raj: Thirty visionaries under thirty years of age to watch as they challenge the preconceptions of their field.
Sheldon: If I had a million guesses, I never would have gotten that.