Amy: Well then, prepare to be terrified. If your friends are unconvincing, this year's donations might go to, say, the Geology department.
Sheldon: Oh no. Not the dirt people!
Amy: Or, worse still, it could go to the liberal arts.
Sheldon: No!
Amy: Millions of dollars being showered on poets, literary theorists and students of gender studies.
Sheldon: Oh, the humanities!

Sheldon: Now, today's episode of 'Fun with Flags' is not fun, but it is important. Flags: You gotta know how to hold 'em, you gotta know how to fold 'em.

Penny: Get them down!
Sheldon: Apologize.
Penny: Never.
Sheldon: Then you just get a very long stick and play panty pinata!

Sheldon: Perhaps your talk of my sexual prowess renewed her faith in love.

Penny: I always say that when one door closes, another one opens.
Sheldon: No it doesn't. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved. Or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door.
Penny: Never mind.

Sheldon: You were right, the tiara was too much.

Kurt: How the hell did you get in the building?
Leonard: We're scientists.
Sheldon: Tell him about our IQ.

Sheldon: I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays?
Penny: I don't need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt.
Sheldon: My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.
Penny: One was already in an accident.
Sheldon: Doesn't mean one won't be in another, especially if I'm driving.

Sheldon: Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Machtest du ein Darm sputum?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon, are you coming?
Sheldon: I'd rather have a blowfly lay eggs and hatch larvae in my auditory canal.

Howard: Okay, give me the flowers and pie.
Sheldon: But if we show up and you're holding them, she'll think they're only from you.
Howard: They are only from me. You said the gift of you was enough.
Sheldon: Yes, but now that I've seen what the gift of me with flowers and pie looks like there's no going back.

Penny: Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.
Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was the science officer. And I guarantee you that if he saw the Enterprise's "Check Engine" light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately.

Sheldon: If you're going to replace Wolowitz, I need to know a little bit more about you.
Stuart: All right.
Sheldon: Wolowitz went to MIT. What's your educational background?
Stuart: I went to art school.
Sheldon: Equally ridiculous. Let's go.

Penny: What's this cartoon called again?
Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai.
Sheldon: And it's not a cartoon, it's anime.

Penny: What was my first strike?
Sheldon: March 18th, you violated my rule about forwarding email humor.
Penny: I did?
Sheldon: The photo of the cat who wants to "Has Cheeseburger?"
Penny: Oh, come on, everybody loves Lolcats. They're cute and they can't spell because they're cats.
Sheldon: I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me internet banality. Strike one. Touching my food. Strike two.