Sheldon: I'm glad to see you made it safely. How's your hotel?
Amy: It's not the best Best Western I've been to, but I'd say it's the third best Best Western I've been to.
Sheldon: I know how you feel. The Best Buy by my house is only the third best Best Buy.
They have the best buys, but having the best buys isn't the only thing that makes a Best Buy the best Best Buy.
Amy: What makes a best Best Buy the best Best Buy?
Sheldon: Mm, that's a great question. I like when they're next to a Chipotle.

Penny: We wouldn't even sit in your spot while you're gone.
Sheldon: You're darn right, you wouldn't. No matter where I am, this will always be my spot. Like an embassy in a foreign country, this seat is the sovereign soil of my bottom.

Sheldon: Oh, I don't mind, I'm very good at complaining. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd complain about what a stupid sport it is and then I'd take home the gold.

Sheldon: Oh, good Lord! Is that mistletoe? Don't you maniacs own a calendar?

Howard: It's pretty late. You think I've got time to run some more simulations on the cooling system?
Leonard: Sure, I'm still figuring out the thermo-acoustic expander.
Sheldon: Oh, while you do that I am going to pump cerebral spinal fluid through my brain cells to remove the metabolic by-products of the day's thoughts.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: It's called sleep and it's my bedtime. Nighty-night, y'all.

Leonard: Sheldon, relax. She doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious.
Sheldon: Oh, please. If influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool-using and cave-painting, Homo habilis would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.

Sheldon: Great Caesar's Ghost, look at this place!
Leonard: So Penny's a little messy.
Sheldon: A little messy? The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy, this is chaos.

Sheldon: I mean, it's not that I think we're living in sin, but I do like the idea that our next act of intimacy will be a legal requirement.

Sheldon: What if she ends up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn't.

Sheldon: Oh, Ubuntu. You're my favorite Linux-based operating system.

Raj: I don't know if I wanna play any more.
Sheldon: Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good lord, if that becomes a reason to not play dungeons and dragons, this game is in serious trouble.

Leonard: I just assumed. Who sells a full-sized time machine for $800?
Sheldon: In a Venn diagram that would be an individual located within the intersection of the sets 'no longer want my time machine' and 'need $800'.

Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace, this is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm going to be dining alone this evening, so I'll be reducing my usual order. I'd like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and one half of the Golden Treasure for two - oh, for heaven's sake! In the mid-18th century, King Rama the Fourth of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings.

Sheldon: Well then, as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig but nobody wanted bacon.

Sheldon: You keep in mind that my sharply-worded comments on Yelp.com recently took down a muffin store.