Stuart Bloom Quotes Page 1 of 17
Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome
Bernadette: Hi, Stuart, just checking in. Seeing if everything's okay.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, we're having fun. Me, Halley and Denise played hide-and-seek all day.
Howard: Oh, that's nice.
Stuart: Yeah. I found Denise right away.
Bernadette: Where was Halley hiding?
Stuart: Uh, the important thing is she's not there now.
Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome
Bernadette: Okay, so, everyone's happy and healthy?
Stuart: Well, that depends.
Bernadette: What's that mean?
Stuart: Uh, how many teeth did Halley have when you left?
Howard: All of them.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, that's-that's what I was afraid of.
Bernadette: What happened?
Stuart: Um, well, all right. Um, Michael had a little fever last night.
Bernadette: Michael had a fever?
Stuart: Do you want to hear about Halley or not?
Howard: What happened, Stuart?
Stuart: He was running a little fever, nothing to worry about. And Halley, bless her heart, wanted to bring him his boo-boo bear, so she climbed over the safety rail and took a little tumble down the stairs.
Bernadette: She fell down the stairs?!
Stuart: [stammers] She rolled down the stairs, laughing the whole time. [chuckles] Anyway, when she got to the bottom, there was a tooth missing.
Bernadette: Oh, Stuart!
Stuart: She's fine! She thought it was funny.
Howard: Did you at least save it for the tooth fairy?
Stuart: No, we couldn't find it. We have a theory about where it is, but it'll take six to eight hours to confirm. Speaking of which, where do you keep the spaghetti strainer?
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Howard: So she's coming over again, huh?
Stuart: Yeah, we're gonna do a movie night.
Howard: It's my house. Don't you think you should ask me?
Stuart: You're right, I'm sorry. Howard, would you like to come to movie night?
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Denise: My neck's a little stiff. Maybe because my boyfriend made me sleep in a comic book store last night.
Stuart: Bet your neck would hurt if you slept in any store. Except maybe a mattress store.
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Denise: I don't want to blame you, but if you'd moved in with me when I asked you to, we wouldn't be in this situation.
Stuart: You're right. It's my fault. When I had the chance, I was scared and now that I want to, you're stuck with Mitch.
Denise: So you do want to move in with me?
Stuart: More than Galactus wants to devour worlds.
Denise: Well, that's great 'cause I want to move in with you more than the Thing wants to clobber.
Stuart: More than Hulk wants to smash?
Denise: More than Batman wants to ignore the due process of law.
Stuart: We are so weird.
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Denise: All right, I got to head out to my drawing class.
Stuart: Fruit or naked dudes? Actually, it doesn't matter, I'm jealous of both.
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Stuart: Look, I was scared to move in, but that was a mistake because she is amazing and I really want to live with her. So think you'd be willing to find another place?
Mitch: Do you love her?
Denise: Oh, we haven't really said that yet.
Stuart: Yeah, I do.
Mitch: Don't say it to me, say it to her.
Stuart: I love you.
Denise: I love you, too.
Mitch: Now both of you say it to me.
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Howard: Doesn't she have her own place? Why don't you guys hang out there?
Stuart: Oh, she has a roommate, and he's kind of creepy. A-And that's coming from me.
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Stuart: Ready?
Denise: You sure I didn't need to see Paddington 1?
Stuart: He's a bear, he talks, no one knows why. You're all caught up.
Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion
Stuart: I'm sorry, but I couldn't sleep at your place. Mitch was really freaking me out.
Denise: He was freaking me out, too, but there has to be a better solution.
Stuart: Tonight we'll go back to my place.
Denise: And tomorrow?
Stuart: With my health being what it is, I try to live one day at a time.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Stuart: But this could be really good for me, you know? Finally get my artwork published. And-and come on, it's a, it's a cute story.
Howard: Oh, easy for you to say. No one's gonna think you're a coward.
Stuart: Are you kidding? The other day in the comic book store, a balloon popped and I threw up.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Bernadette: Halley was scared and Howard told her the sweetest story about when he was in space and I thought I could turn it into a book for her and Michael.
Stuart: Oh, well, I mean, I am an artist. Uh, if you want, I could do the drawings.
Bernadette: Really? That'd be amazing.
Stuart: Yeah, it'd be fun. And a, a nice change of pace from what I usually draw.
Bernadette: What do you usually draw?
Stuart: Well, good night.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Stuart: Oh, that's cute. Did Halley draw that at preschool?
Bernadette: I drew it.
Stuart: Well, good night.
Bernadette: It's supposed to be an astronaut.
Stuart: And I'm supposed to be living on my own at this age, but here we are.
Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation
Stuart: Where are the kids?
Howard: I thought they were with you.
Stuart: What? No!
Howard: I'm kidding. They're at daycare.
Stuart: What about me makes you think my heart can handle that joke?
Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex
Raj: Cut the crap. We know where you were. We know what you were doing.
Stuart: Yeah, I just told you. I was at CVS breathing my ass off.
Sheldon: Oh, you were breathing, all right. You were breathing the rarefied air of celebrities.
Stuart: I don't know what you're talking about.
Raj: Then why are you trembling?
Stuart: I'm always trembling.
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