Stuart Bloom Quotes Page 11 of 13

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Quote from the episode The Cooper Extraction

Amy: (Talking "It's A Wonderful Life"). It's great. It's Christmas time, and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself.
Stuart: Don't need to see it, living it!

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Raj: Okay, let's try it again. But this time, pretend the girl you want to meet doesn't want to hurt you.
Stuart: I don't think I can give you that.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Raj: What did you put as the one word description of yourself?
Stuart: I put unobjectionable. But now I hear it out loud, it just seems like I'm being cocky.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Stuart: That's right, ladies. For all you know, I'm confident and fun to be around.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Stuart: Aw man, if I'd started this years ago I'd be divorced two or three times by now.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Raj: In the last hour 162 people have read our profiles. How many of them have sent us messages?
Stuart: Combined?
Raj: Yes.
Stuart: Zero.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Stuart: I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. And I had a rescue dog that ran back to the pound!

Quote from the episode The Scavenger Vortex

Stuart: So, when you guys plan fun activities, does my name even come up or ...?
Raj: I invited you to my murder mystery party.
Stuart: No, you didn't.
Raj: Oh.

Quote from the episode The Tangible Affection Proof

Raj: The theme will be that the greatest love a man can have is the love he has with himself.
Stuart: That's good. Or maybe something a little less hand in the pants.

Quote from the episode The Tangible Affection Proof

Raj: It's nice that all the people who are lonely on Valentine's Day can come here tonight and be together.
Stuart: Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. In fact, there's no place I would rather be than here.
Raj: Except on a date with anybody.
Stuart: Literally anybody.

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Bernadette: What kind of comics do the guys like?
Stuart: Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
Amy: All right, well, who's the best superhero?
Stuart: Shh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Stuart: If I were you, I'd go for Fables number one. The artwork is sophisticated, it's intelligently written, and it doesn't objectify or stereotype women.
Penny: Ooh, Thor! He's hot.
Stuart: Yeah, he kind of is.

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.
Stuart: Oh, hey. (To the other customers) Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: What brings you guys here?
Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought wed give it a try.
Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga? (To the customers) I swear I will turn a hose on you.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Leonard: I got them on Amazon.
Stuart: Sure, I get it. Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?
Leonard: I know, but when I shop online I can do it on the toilet.
Stuart: Have you seen my store? The whole place is a toilet.

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Stuart: I gotta tell you, this is the most holiday fun I've had since my therapist changed my anxiety medication and I stopped caring about the blood in my stool.
Howard: Good story.

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