Denise: Come here.
Stuart: Oh. Uh, no. I appreciate it, but seriously, this is all bruise.
Denise: Kiss?
Stuart: Gently. Ow.

[Leonard sneezes]
Stuart: You okay?
Leonard: Yeah.
Stuart: Great, 'cause you just bought that whole row of Batmans.
Leonard: Sorry, I [sneeze]
Stuart: And now you bought Aquaman. Good choice.

Leonard: Just seems dumb to not use the laser.
Stuart: Not as dumb as unleashing a plague on mankind, but, hey, what do we know?
Leonard: Literally nothing.

Stuart: Is it just me or has no one been in the store for hours?
Denise: Yeah, it is weirdly quiet. [gasps] Nobody's in the street.
Stuart: Huh. Well, that's strange.
Denise: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Stuart: They cut that meteorite open and unleashed a space plague?
Denise: Exactly.

Stuart: Hey, guys.
Howard: You're home late.
Stuart: Uh, yeah. I had a crazy night. I went to the pharmacy. I like to be there when the new decongestants drop.

Leonard: We know you were at Wil's D&D game. We saw you on Instagram. We just want to know how you got invited.
Stuart: I can't talk about it or they won't invite me back next week.
Leonard: So there's another game next week.
Stuart: I didn't mean to say that.
Howard: Who's in it?
Stuart: I can't tell you!
Raj: How do we get invited?
Stuart: I don't know!
Sheldon: How many hit dice are they playing the wereboar as having?
Stuart: 12d8 + 24. I mean, I don't know!

Stuart: But this could be really good for me, you know? Finally get my artwork published. And-and come on, it's a, it's a cute story.
Howard: Oh, easy for you to say. No one's gonna think you're a coward.
Stuart: Are you kidding? The other day in the comic book store, a balloon popped and I threw up.

Denise: All right, I got to head out to my drawing class.
Stuart: Fruit or naked dudes? Actually, it doesn't matter, I'm jealous of both.

Howard: So she's coming over again, huh?
Stuart: Yeah, we're gonna do a movie night.
Howard: It's my house. Don't you think you should ask me?
Stuart: You're right, I'm sorry. Howard, would you like to come to movie night?

Stuart: Ready?
Denise: You sure I didn't need to see Paddington 1?
Stuart: He's a bear, he talks, no one knows why. You're all caught up.

Denise: My neck's a little stiff. Maybe because my boyfriend made me sleep in a comic book store last night.
Stuart: Bet your neck would hurt if you slept in any store. Except maybe a mattress store.

Stuart: Look, I was scared to move in, but that was a mistake because she is amazing and I really want to live with her. So think you'd be willing to find another place?
Mitch: Do you love her?
Denise: Oh, we haven't really said that yet.
Stuart: Yeah, I do.
Mitch: Don't say it to me, say it to her.
Stuart: I love you.
Denise: I love you, too.
Mitch: Now both of you say it to me.

Amy: I just hope I did the right thing.
Stuart: I'm sure you did. Maybe that's the problem, you always do the right thing. Maybe it's time to do the wrong thing?
Amy: Like you're doing right now?
Stuart: Exactly.

Bernadette: What happened? They just got married.
Howard: I don't know. It's a mess. They had a huge fight in Vegas.
Bernadette: You think they'll break up?
Howard: I don't know. Sounds pretty bad. Penny's back in her apartment all by herself.
Stuart: Really?

Raj: Oh, you were born in Trivandrum? Have you ever been to the Kuthira Malika Palace?
Ruchi: No, I haven't.
Raj: Me, either. What a small world.
Stuart: I've also never been there. I've never been lots of places. Go on, quiz me.