Sheldon: Hello, Stuart.
Stuart: Oh, hey, Sheldon. Can I interest you in a cappuccino?
Sheldon: When did you start selling those?
Stuart: Oh, someone left it here, but it's still warm. Say four bucks?

Stuart: Well, if you really don't want to use your brother, I'd be your best man.
Sheldon: Really?
Stuart: Yeah, we're friends. Plus, it'd be nice. Never really been called the best before. Or a man, for that matter.

Penny: Hey, so is Bernadette okay with me being maid of honor?
Howard: Actually, I haven't had the courage to tell her.
Amy: I guess I should do that.
Penny: Uh, yeah.
Amy: Although, as maid of honor, your job is to make my life easier.
Penny: Damn it. Hey, Stuart, you still want in on this wedding?
Stuart: Not that much.

Sheldon: Okay, well, uh, thank you, Stuart. That's a very generous offer.
Stuart: My pleasure. I-I understand the best man usually receives a present.
Sheldon: That's true.
Stuart: Can never have too much Claritin.

Leonard: Stuart, I'm sorry if it's weird Sheldon made me best man instead of you.
Stuart: It's okay. I was best man for two whole days. No one can take that away from me. Except for Sheldon, when he did.

Stuart: Come on, you guys have been friends forever. Quit fighting.
Raj: I have an extra ticket to the opening of The Last Jedi tonight. It was gonna be Howard's, but you can have it.
Stuart: You two had a good run.

Stuart: Don't stress about this party. She's one; she's not gonna remember. The other day I showed her her toe, and she was shocked.
Howard: It's not for the baby; it's for Bernadette. She's feeling guilty about all the stuff she's missing with Halley.
Stuart: All right. Uncle Stuart's got your back. Ain't no party like a Stuart party because Stuart's never invited to parties.

Howard: Hey, Stuart, you're coming to Halley's party, right?
Stuart: You bet. Plus, I live there and I was invited, so it's already better than my tenth birthday party.

Howard: I mean, your life's a mess. I don't see you blaming other people for it.
Stuart: That's right. I grew up in a loving, supportive household. This is all on me.

Howard: I had a falling out with Raj. He said I make fun of him too much and it's wrecked his confidence.
Stuart: Please, confidence is like red blood cells: it's nice if you got some, but you don't need 'em.

Howard: Maybe I'll just hang out here for a while.
Stuart: Great. And you can make fun of me all you want.
Howard: No, that's okay.
Stuart: No, no, no. Go on. I can take it. My feelings, like my extremities, are basically numb.

Stuart: Hey, Howard.
Howard: Hey.
Stuart: Where is everybody?
Howard: I could ask you the same question.
Stuart: Wow, this conversation got mean fast.

Leonard: I can't believe we forgot about it.
Howard: It's not that surprising. They were basically worthless when we got them.
Leonard: I wish I knew how much we had.
Raj: Sheldon, you must remember.
Sheldon: Of course I do.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, he and I totally remember. You tell them, Sheldon.

Raj: Hey, Stuart. You want to mine some Bitcoin with us? We'll write the program, you bring the snacks?
Stuart: Too rich for my blood.

Leonard: No, we-we definitely mined some. I-I remember sitting in your bedroom and writing the program.
I think we ended up with a bunch of it.
Raj: Wow, and at, like, $5,000 apiece, that's-
Stuart: Sounds like a lot of money, which we agreed to share 'cause I-I was totally there. I remember now.