Howard: Wil! Wil Wheaton!
Raj: Open! Open!
Wil Wheaton: No. No. No. [to Sheldon] Hell no.

Wil Wheaton: Now's not a good time, Sheldon.
Sheldon: For what?
Wil Wheaton: You.

Wil Wheaton: Okay, where were we?
William Shatner: I was about to go all Wrath of Khan on the ogres.
Kevin Smith: Oh, man, that's it. Put another dollar in the Star Trek jar, Bill.
William Shatner: Worth it.

Wil Wheaton: All right, Professor Proton fans, get ready to meet Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, a pair of real-life scientists who may win the Nobel Prize. That's like the Kids' Choice Award, but with more science and less slime.

Amy: Thank you again for inviting us, and don't worry, we won't tell the guys.
Wil Wheaton: You know what, why don't you tell the guys? In fact, let's all take a picture and send it to them right now.
[phones buzzing]
Raj: That's weird.
Leonard: We deserve that.

Kevin Smith: Wil, come on, I cast fireball, you need to roll your dexterity save.
Wil Wheaton: I'll be right there.
Sheldon: Are you playing Dungeons & Dragons?
Wil Wheaton: No.
Kevin Smith: Would you hurry up, man, the map says this dungeon's full of dragons.
Wil Wheaton: Still no.

Wil Wheaton: No. All of you. You're just trying to use me to get close to my famous friends. Do you know how that makes me feel?
Howard: Flattered?
Wil Wheaton: Used.
Sheldon: I was gonna guess that.
Wil Wheaton: One of the worst things about being a celebrity is you never know if people like you for you. Well, thanks for letting me know.

Wil Wheaton: So you two have discovered something that a lot of people are really excited about.
Amy: We have.
Wil Wheaton: Now, before you explain it, keep in mind that our average viewer is this many.

Sheldon: Who are you playing with?
Wil Wheaton: Ugh it's just some friends, you don't know them.
William Shatner: Wheaton, get back here. Hobgoblins are at the gate, and you're at the door buying Girl Scout Cookies.
Sheldon: Is that William Sha-?
Wil Wheaton: Nope.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Amy: Oh, I, uh, think Sheldon might have left something.
Wil Wheaton: Oh, you mean, besides his lunch?

Wil Wheaton: So, we finally meet.
Mark Hamill: I'm sorry, who are you?
Wil Wheaton: (scoffs) I'm Wil Wheaton. I was supposed to officiate this wedding. I was up all night preparing these notes.
Mark Hamill: Well, thanks so much. It's gonna be a great help.

Mark Hamill: Do you (clears throat)- Do you-
Wil Wheaton: Hey, I'm just saying, I'm here if you need me to step in.
Mark Hamill: No, no, no. I got this.

Wil Wheaton: Well, that is our show for today. And I want to say a very special thank you to Dr. Amy Fowler for being here. It was a real pleasure having you.
Amy: And you can feel that pleasure because you don't have a lesion in your nucleus accumbens.
Wil Wheaton: I really hope I don't.

Wil Wheaton: [on TV] It's time for Professor Proton's science joke of the day. Why can you not trust atoms?
Sheldon: Hmm.
Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Because they make up everything.
Sheldon: Oh, that's funny! Yeah, because they do. They make up everything.

Sheldon: I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list. Which, by the way, you are no longer on.
Wil Wheaton: Really? Well, that is something. It's not something that I care about, but it is something.