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Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Raj: Hey, dude, you're killing me with Claire.
Zack: What are you talking about?
Raj: I mean, come on, look at you. You're classically handsome, you've got a swimmer's body. Next to you, I look like me.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Raj: Yeah, okay, just do me a favor and stop talking about how great Claire is.
Zack: Anything for you, my little foreign friend.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Zack: I see what you're saying. She's not so great.
Raj: Don't listen to him. He says crazy things all the time. Uh, watch. Marco.
Zack: Polo.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Raj: So, uh, what are you guys talking about?
Claire: Your friends were just telling me about all the other girls you're dating.
Raj: Why would you do that? I specifically asked you not to do that.
Penny: We didn't.
Amy: You just did.
Zack: Wow. Maybe none of you guys are smart.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Penny: Uh, what's new?
Zack: Oh, tons of stuff. Put artificial grass in my backyard, got engaged, had a scary mole that turned out to be Sharpie.
Penny: Well, congratulations.
Zack: That's what my dermatologist said.
Penny: No, on getting engaged, good for you.
Zack: Oh, thanks.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Penny: Oh, that's a nice offer.
Zack: You know, we'd make a great team. Or as we say in the menu business, I can't do this without Me N U.
Penny: Right, 'cause it spells "menu."
Zack: Yeah, right? It's funny. I got a lot of menu jokes, but that's my favorite.

Quote from the episode The Thanksgiving Decoupling

Zack: It's my fault. I was a terrible husband. I was never around.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Zack: Boy, you get some dirty looks over there when you ask for ice.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Raj: Zack, this is my friend Claire.
Zack: You're hot. You seeing anybody?
Raj: Uh, she's seeing me.
Zack: Why'd you say she's your friend?
Raj: We're just keeping it casual.
Zack: Why is he being casual with you? You seem great.
Claire: I don't know. Ask him.
Zack: Why are you being casual with her? She seems great.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Zack: Oh, man, I didn't mean to do that. But I do appreciate you recognizing my swimmer's body. Which, incidentally, I got from playing Marco Polo at the YMCA.

Quote from the episode The Lunar Excitation

Leonard: So, how'd you two guys meet?
Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Your company?
Zack: Well, it's my dad's, but me and my sister are VPs.
Leonard: So, menus?
Zack: I know it sounds easy but there's a lot of science that goes in designing them.

Quote from the episode The Fermentation Bifurcation

Howard: You could put it in a satellite or a rocket, and it'll run forever.
Zack: Cool. Could it be used for missiles and war stuff?
Howard: Yeah, but we didn't create it for weapons.
Leonard: And I doubt the military would be interested in our little guidance system.
Zack: Is it better than the one they use now?
Howard: A lot.
Leonard: Way better.
Zack: Huh. You sure you guys are smart?

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Zack: Do you have a bodyguard to keep spies away?
Leonard: I have Sheldon, that keeps most people away.
Zack: I miss that guy. He's like the Swedish Chef Muppet. I don't know what he's saying, but he's funny.
Leonard: Oh, I know what he's saying, and he's not, he's not funny.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Penny: Yeah, lying isn't my favorite part of the job. Actually, I'm not crazy about a lot of it.
Zack: Hey, if you're not happy there, I've been looking for a new head of sales at my company. And we don't sell drugs, just menus, so the only lie you'll be telling is we print on recycled paper. We don't.

Quote from the episode The Cognition Regeneration

Zack: Penny, what's up?
Penny: Hey, uh, so I've been thinking about it and I want to take the job.
Zack: Oh, bad news. When my fiance found out that I was offering a job to my ex-girlfriend, she said it was a stupid idea and threw a shoe at me.
Penny: Oh, so there's no job?
Zack: Nope, just a little bump on my forehead.

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