Penny: Uh, what's new?
Zack: Oh, tons of stuff. Put artificial grass in my backyard, got engaged, had a scary mole that turned out to be Sharpie.
Penny: Well, congratulations.
Zack: That's what my dermatologist said.
Penny: No, on getting engaged, good for you.
Zack: Oh, thanks.

Zack: Do you have a bodyguard to keep spies away?
Leonard: I have Sheldon, that keeps most people away.
Zack: I miss that guy. He's like the Swedish Chef Muppet. I don't know what he's saying, but he's funny.
Leonard: Oh, I know what he's saying, and he's not, he's not funny.

Raj: So, uh, what are you guys talking about?
Claire: Your friends were just telling me about all the other girls you're dating.
Raj: Why would you do that? I specifically asked you not to do that.
Penny: We didn't.
Amy: You just did.
Zack: Wow. Maybe none of you guys are smart.

Zack: I see what you're saying. She's not so great.
Raj: Don't listen to him. He says crazy things all the time. Uh, watch. Marco.
Zack: Polo.

Raj: Yeah, okay, just do me a favor and stop talking about how great Claire is.
Zack: Anything for you, my little foreign friend.

Raj: Hey, dude, you're killing me with Claire.
Zack: What are you talking about?
Raj: I mean, come on, look at you. You're classically handsome, you've got a swimmer's body. Next to you, I look like me.

Zack: Oh, man, I didn't mean to do that. But I do appreciate you recognizing my swimmer's body. Which, incidentally, I got from playing Marco Polo at the YMCA.

Raj: Zack, this is my friend Claire.
Zack: You're hot. You seeing anybody?
Raj: Uh, she's seeing me.
Zack: Why'd you say she's your friend?
Raj: We're just keeping it casual.
Zack: Why is he being casual with you? You seem great.
Claire: I don't know. Ask him.
Zack: Why are you being casual with her? She seems great.

Zack: Boy, you get some dirty looks over there when you ask for ice.

Howard: You could put it in a satellite or a rocket, and it'll run forever.
Zack: Cool. Could it be used for missiles and war stuff?
Howard: Yeah, but we didn't create it for weapons.
Leonard: And I doubt the military would be interested in our little guidance system.
Zack: Is it better than the one they use now?
Howard: A lot.
Leonard: Way better.
Zack: Huh. You sure you guys are smart?

Zack: So what's your invention?
Howard: Well, we're using quantum vortices to replace gyroscopes in guidance systems.
Leonard: What's neat is that they can maintain angular momentum indefinitely.
Zack: Angular momentum. I was wondering about that.

Zack: Penny?
Penny: Oh, Zack, hi. You guys remember Zack?
Howard: Yeah, hey, buddy.
Amy: Hello.
Raj: Hey.
Zack: Hey, did you two get married?
Penny: We did.
Leonard: Yeah, mmm-hmm.
Zack: To each other?
Penny: Yes.
Zack: Cool. 'cause other than when you broke up with him and dated me, then broke up with me, and then dated me one more time before going back to him, I was always rooting for you two.

Zack: Hey, babe.
Penny: Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent?
Zack: Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.

Zack: Aw, babe, I peed myself.
Penny: Me, too.

Zack: Okay, I'm ready. I'm Zack, and I'm, uh ... oh, crap, why is this so hard?