Zack: So, long story short, I nailed her.
Sheldon: When he finished, he shouted Eureka!
Zack: No, I always shout, Holy Moly! Don't know why. Just do.

Zack: Whoa, you dated Penny?
Leonard: She didn't tell you?
Zack: She told me she dated a guy named Leonard. Who would have thought it was you?
Leonard: Who else would it be?
Zack: I don't know. Somebody bigger and- Yeah, sure. Why not you?

Zack: Look up in the sky. Its a bird. Its a plane. I forget the rest.

Zack: My gluteus what?

Zack: It's my fault. I was a terrible husband. I was never around.

Zack: You know what they say. Happy wife - Happy life. Let's eat!

Leonard: Yeah, well, she's not going to be your wife for long.
Zack: (To Penny) Oh no, are you dying!?

Zack: Not cool, bro. I'm starting to think you're not the kind of guy I want dating my wife.

Penny: Look, Zack. Come on. You know neither of us thought this was real. I mean we were married by an Elvis impersonator.
Zack: Of course it was an impersonator. We could never afford a real Elvis.

Zack: I just think splitting up can be rough on kids.
Penny: We don't have any kids.
Zack: Are you sure? 'cause you didn't know we were married until this morning.

Zack: It's all right. I didn't have anything going on. Plus, Penny told me we're married, and Thanksgiving is a time to be with family.

Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won't blow up?
Leonard: The laser?
Zack: The moon.

Zack: Is that the laser? It's bitchin'.
Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung", his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
Zack: Well, mission accomplished!

Stuart: So are you guys coming to my New Year's Eve costume party?
Sheldon: Of course. We're coming as the Justice League of America.
Howard: Switching it up from last year when we came as the Justice League of America.
Sheldon: To that point, it occurs to me that we might have an opportunity to finally snare Best Group Costume if we shore up our weak link, which is clearly Leonard as Superman.
Leonard: Hey, I got new boots this year. Guaranteed to add three inches.
Sheldon: That's sad. Let's ask ourselves, is there anyone we know who would make a more manly and convincing son of Krypton?
Stuart: Than than Leonard in high-heeled boots? Howard's mother in high-heeled boots?
Sheldon: I was thinking specifically of the gentleman over there moving his lips as he enjoys the latest exploits of Betty and Veronica.
Leonard: Zack?
Howard: He is the only person we know with actual muscles.
Leonard: You can't replace me with Zack.
Sheldon: Why not? Penny did it.
Howard: Yeah, she seems happier. Why wouldn't we be?
Zack: Score. I got an Archie, Betty and Veronica, and a Jughead. All set for my weekend number twos.
Sheldon: Congratulations. Zack, how would you like to be Superman?
Zack: I don't know, sounds like a lot of responsibility.

Zack: (At Penny's door) Babe, open up.
Penny: I'm not talking to you.
Zack: Then who are you talking to? Babe?