Leonard: Do you guys have a location yet? 'Cause you don't have a lot of time.
Amy: Hey, it took us nine months to pick a date, and a week to decide if brains can have lips on them, so get in the boat and row.

Amy: What happened?
Leonard: Well, we scrubbed out some barrels of irradiated grease, rinsed off in a safety shower and then told Barry Kripke what is what.
Amy: And he just gave in?
Sheldon: Well, we agreed to invite him to the wedding.
Amy: Okay. No problem.
Leonard: And he gets to bring a date.
Amy: Well, that's reasonable.
Sheldon: A-And if she charges by the hour, we have to cover it.
Amy: What else did you agree to?
Leonard: Well, um, you know how Barry has the voice of an angel?
Amy: He is not singing at our wedding.
Sheldon: (stammers) He only wants to sing "Volare."
Leonard: Oh, "Volare". That's what he was saying. Boy, I didn't, I did not get that.

Sheldon: You know, I'm really happy with our wedding date. The month squared equals the square of the sum of the members of the set of prime factors of the day. Isn't that romantic?
Amy: Yes, it's like that Shakespeare sonnet, "Shall I compare thee to a day that's also a really weird math problem."

Leonard: Uh, so, look, I'm here to ask you to give Sheldon and Amy the Athenaeum for their wedding.
Barry Kripke: (laughs) Why would I do that?
Leonard: Because deep down, Barry, you're a really good guy.
Barry Kripke: But am I?

Howard: Honestly, it's gonna be hard when we both go back to work. I've been thinking maybe it would be better if one of us decided to stay home.
Raj: I don't know, I was raised by servants, and look at me.
Howard: I literally can't tell if you think that's good or bad.

Sheldon: Well, I suppose we could pick a different date.
Amy: Well, it took you nine months to choose that one. I'll pick a different husband first.

Sheldon: I said some pretty unprofessional things about his work. I may have even used the "S" word.
Amy: Subpar?
Sheldon: I'm not proud of it, Amy, but I have a temper.

Amy: Well, we only have two months to find a venue, and I had a thought. What about the Athenaeum club at Caltech?
Sheldon: Albert Einstein was a member there.
Amy: It's beautiful.
Sheldon: Yeah, and Albert Einstein was a member there.
Amy: It's close.
Sheldon: And Albert Einstein was a member there.
Amy: And Albert Einstein was a member there.
Sheldon: Ah. Now you sound like a woman who wants to get married.

Amy: I know you're upset, but if we want to book the Athenaeum, we really should do it now, and then, I promise, we'll have our whole lives to complain about Leonard.
Sheldon: Aw, somebody got a head start on her vows.

Kathleen: Here's my card. Why don't you two talk it over, and I will check to see if our soup spoons are "deeper than they are wide".
Sheldon: What? Too deep is a ladle, not a spoon.

Amy: Is that Leonard?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, these are all dead, accomplished scientists. Leonard will only ever be one of those things.

Howard: Oh, boy. I really passed out hard.
Raj: Yeah, tell me about it. The kids could've screamed bloody murder and you wouldn't have woken up. Which I know because they did.

Sheldon: We're not going to let Barry win.
Leonard: Well, what are we going to do?
Sheldon: We have a combined IQ of 360. Perhaps more if that radiation gave you a super brain.

Howard: Oh, good, you're here. There's (clears throat) something I want to talk to you about.
Bernadette: We're not putting a TV in the bathroom. That's how you get hemorrhoids.

Leonard: I made a deal with him to get you the Athenaeum for your wedding.
Sheldon: Why would you do that?
Leonard: Because I was a jerk for lying to you before and besides, you're my best friend. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams.
Sheldon: On Mars?
Leonard: Okay, I want Amy to have the wedding of her dreams.

Sheldon: Barry, I've come to ask one more- Leonard? Wh-Why are you doing that?
Leonard: Because deep down Barry is not a good guy.

Sheldon: Did Albert Einstein ever sit in any of these chairs?
Kathleen: I think these are fairly new. But Stephen Hawking's eaten here a lot.
Sheldon: Yeah, but he brings his own chair, you know?

Sheldon: On the other hand, shaming Leonard during our wedding at the very place he betrayed me does have a beautiful symmetry to it.
Amy: That's nice, it'll be your first petty act as a married man.

Sheldon: Although, it is our wedding. Maybe it shouldn't be all about revenge.

Barry Kripke: Well, well, well. This is a pickle.
Sheldon: Yes, so, if you will just move your birthday party to a different location, everything will be fine.
Barry Kripke: Ugh, it's tricky. I don't want to move my party, but I also don't want to help you. Oh, wait, I don't have a problem.

Barry Kripke: Hello, Hofstadter.
Leonard: Why are you cleaning that out yourself? Don't you have grad students?
Barry Kripke: Come on, I can't make my grad students do every dirty job or so I've been told in writing by the head of Human Resources.

Amy: That's not much of an apology.
Sheldon: Yeah, because he's not really sorry. Obviously, he wanted a place to go where I wouldn't be and apparently all of outside wasn't enough for him.

Penny: What is this picture?
Amy: Oh, it's an MRI of our brains photoshopped to look like they're kissing.
Sheldon: Is it too sexy?
Penny: It's too something.

Sheldon: Why did you lie to me?
Leonard: I don't know. It just seemed funny at first and then the longer it went on, funnier it got.

Raj: I mean he only drinks milk. Like, where are the colors coming from?

Bernadette: When I went by the office they gave me coffee and cookies and no one peed on me. I miss that so much.

Raj: Boy, seeing them all together like that has got my biological clock ticking like crazy.
Penny: Yeah, I don't think men have-
Raj: I do.

Sheldon: Hey, good news, Amy. We got the Athenaeum.
Amy: Oh, my gosh. That's amazing. How'd you get Barry to change his mind?
Sheldon: Well, I couldn't have done it without Leonard. Boy, you should've seen us in there. We were like Batman and Robin.
Leonard: Why do I have to be Robin?
Sheldon: If you have to ask, you're Robin.

Bernadette: I just love them so much.
Howard: Me, too. My heart feels like it's gonna explode. Of course, it's full of brisket, so it probably will.

Howard: Oh, I didn't even know I was capable of loving someone so much.
Bernadette: More than me?
Howard: Wha--
Bernadette: Uh, I'm just messing with you. I totally love them more than you.
Howard: I get that. I would take a bullet for them. But I would get seriously mutilated for you.
Bernadette: That's sweet. But you should know, if you got seriously mutilated, I might dump you.
Howard: You'd be crazy not to. Even unmutilated, I'm no prize.

Raj: Well, on one hand, they filled my tub with scented oils and brought me honeyed sweets; on the other hand, I spent my twenties incapable of talking to women. So you know, pros and cons.

Leonard: Wait, what? I scrubbed sludge for you. I may be slightly radioactive.
Sheldon: Oh, you're exaggerating. Don't let him touch the silverware.

Howard: You know, fun fact, did you know baby boys can pee straight up?
Raj: Grown-up boys, too.
Leonard: Why would we high-five that?

Howard: Well, I love the kids, but I also love my job. And sleep.
Bernadette: I know. I took a two-hour nap on the couch in my office.
Howard: I took a three-hour nap on the floor in the living room.
Bernadette: How do you feel now?
Howard: Honestly? Still tired.
Bernadette: Me, too.

Bernadette: Why is Raj asleep on our couch?
Howard: Oh. I needed some help so he came by, played with the kids, read them some stories, put them down for their nap and made dinner.
Bernadette: What'd you do?
Howard: Ate dinner.

Howard: Everyone's asleep. You want to head upstairs and (giggles) you know.
Bernadette: Let's just do it right here.
Howard: Oh, oh, I like the way you think. [They move a plate away, and both put their heads down to sleep]

Bernadette: Gerald, what's going on? Hope you're not screwing up my research. You calling from a bike ride? 'Cause you're backpedaling hard.

Bernadette: Yeah, I just wanted to stop in and see my office before we went to lunch.
Penny: Just a few more weeks, you'll be back full-time, huh?
Bernadette: Yeah.
Penny: Uh-oh. That wasn't a happy "yeah." That was a "Hey, Leonard, do you want to go to the gym?" yeah.

Sheldon: Yeah, so if you could just please leave before I get angry and say something I will regret about your face, your height, your personal hygiene or the fact that your science, while serviceable, lacks panache.
Leonard: That's actually one of the nicest things you've ever said about my work.
Sheldon: And now I regret it. Good-bye.

Howard: Bernadette's gonna be home soon. We got to divide and conquer. I'll make dinner. You watch the kids.
Raj: Uh, kids are asleep.
Howard: Great, then you make dinner.

Howard: You know, in fact, why don't you take the day off?
Bernadette: Mm, fine. Maybe I'll have lunch with Penny.
Howard: Take your time. Get a massage. You deserve it after all the sleep you've been getting.

Bernadette: Howard, we both know you can't keep up this pace. By this afternoon you're gonna be passed out on the couch and I'm gonna have three exhausted babies to deal with.

Bernadette: You're just trying to prove that you'd do a better job than me.
Howard: You're pretty sharp having just woken up.

Howard: Morning.
Bernadette: Hey, where you been?
Howard: Oh, nowhere special. Just the park, the farmer's market, then we hopped on the Gold Line to Chinatown because it's important for the kids to experience other cultures. What have you been doing?
Bernadette: It's 8:00 a.m. Sleeping.
Howard: Oh. So are the kids. I guess they take after you.

Amy: So do we agree? Do we want to get married there?
Sheldon: I don't know. I mean, Einstein was a member. I like that. You know? But Leonard's a member, and that really steams my clams.
Amy: Oh, I love it when you're folksy. I'm just gonna call.

Sheldon: I can't believe Leonard lied to me. What are we gonna find out next, that he's not really lactose intolerant, hmm? He's just friends with an invisible trumpet player?

Howard: Uh, I was thinking maybe one of us should stay home full-time, with the kids.
Bernadette: Oh great, so I have to give up my job and everything I've worked for?
Howard: Actually, I was thinking I should stay home.
Bernadette: Oh, so I have to abandon my children and go back to work, while you get to stay home and bond with them?
Howard: You just said you didn't want to.
Bernadette: No, I don't want to have to, but if I want to, I should get to.
Howard: Do you want to?
Bernadette: Maybe I do.
Howard: What if I also want to?
Bernadette: Well, I don't know, we can't both stay home.
Howard: Don't you think you should go back to work, because you make more money?
Bernadette: Don't you think you should make more money?
Howard: I think it's pretty sexist of you to say a dad can't stay home with his children.
Bernadette: You know what else is sexist, the phrase "suck it", yet here we are.

Sheldon: How did you get in here?
Penny: What do you mean? Leonard's a member.
Sheldon: You told me it was incredibly exclusive.
Leonard: Y-Yeah, look, about that, I lied.
Penny: Hey, wait, you told me it was exclusive, too.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. I avoided him and impressed you, all with the same lie.
Penny: Damn, Hofstadter, didn't think you had it in you.

Amy: I mean, Leonard and Penny are right there.
Sheldon: But he told me he checked on our membership just last week, and we were still 400th in line.
Amy: I'm sure there's an innocent explanation that won't ruin my day at all.

Amy: I really like it.
Sheldon: Mm. Oh, I must admit, I do, as well. Look at how somber all the men in these portraits are. I feel like that sets a good tone for our wedding.

Amy: Well, it seems kind of perfect, and it's close enough to your office, so you can use the bathroom you like.
Sheldon: Mm. I put a sticker over the auto-flush, so it doesn't startle me.

Howard: Here's my dilemma, I kind of want to stay home. But Bernadette is a way better parent than I am.
Raj: Wait, does Bernadette want to stay home?
Howard: I don't know. She's really invested in her career, and she's doing great. I think it should be me.

Raj: So, how has it been, being home with two kids?
Howard: Oh, tiring, but super rewarding.
Raj: Oh, like Pilates, yeah, got it.

Sheldon: Well, I suppose we can give it a look, and if it doesn't work out, I hear that there is a nearby Chinese restaurant that Einstein used to frequent.
Amy: Or, we pick a place we like, and don't worry about Einstein.
Sheldon: Boy, reality TV is right; brides are crazy.

Amy: Good news, we have save the date cards.
Raj: Huh, didn't go with my calligrapher. Interesting.

Raj: Wow, I admire you, Howard. It would be hard for me to buck traditional gender roles like that.
Howard: Didn't you see Taylor Swift twice this month?
Raj: Yeah, because she's hot, not because she sings my truth.