Sheldon: It is fitting that you got into tires, because you are tiresome.
Leonard: Sheldon, come on.
Sheldon: Was that too mean?
Leonard: No, not too mean, not too good either.

Amy: Look, he may have been mean to you when you were kids, but you're both grown men now.
Sheldon: That's right. I'm a grown-up, and if I don't want to invite him to my wedding, then I won't.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: Except I have to 'cause my mommy's making me.

Bernadette: How many out-of-town guests are there gonna be?
Amy: I'm actually not sure. Turns out Sheldon didn't invite his brother.
Penny: Mm. Now it's starting to sound like a wedding.
Amy: And his mom said she won't come if his brother's not there.
Bernadette: Ooh, now it's starting to sound like a good wedding.

Howard: Hey, Bernie. Hey, how do you know if someone has pink eye?
Bernadette: Um, their eye would be red, swollen and probably oozy.
Howard: Okay, thanks. Both kids have pink eye.

Raj: I got to find a date. I don't want to be that sad single friend that everyone looks at with pity.
Leonard: Uh, I'm-I'm afraid that ship may have sailed.

Sheldon: Leonard, you have a brother, right?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Is he the worst? Is he an unspeakable abomination? Does the very thought of him make your skin crawl?
Leonard: Well, he laughs at his own jokes, but otherwise he's okay.

Leonard: [on the plane with Sheldon to Texas] I kept saying no. H-H-How am I here?

Bernadette: Aren't you worried it's a little intense to ask someone you just met to go to a wedding?
Raj: (sighs) I'm running out of time. Wh-Wh-Why can't there be a service where you can just pay someone to be your date for the evening?
Bernadette: Like an escort service?
Raj: No, no, no. Y-You wouldn't be paying for sex. I mean, obviously if things went well, it could lead to sex, but, but the money is for, like, you know, her time and companionship.
Bernadette: Oh, I get it an escort service.
Raj: Stop saying that.
Bernadette: Stop meaning it.

Leonard: So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?
Sheldon: Yes, and, apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.

Leonard: Oh, excuse me. Uh, we're looking for a Georgie Cooper.
Margaret: One second, I'll check to see if the doctor's in.
Sheldon: He is not a doctor. (scoffs) There's only one doctor here and it's me.
Leonard: I'm also a doctor.
Sheldon: Do you want to wait in the car?
Leonard: I wanted to wait in California.

Georgie: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Why aren't you returning my phone calls?
Georgie: You're supposed to be the smart one; you figure it out.
Leonard: He's not that kind of smart. You might want to give him a hint.

Georgie: We haven't talked in over ten years, and now that you need something, you think you can just show up at my store? Well, let's just drop everything to accommodate Sheldon.
Sheldon: Nice try, but I am not a gullible little boy anymore. I can recognize sarcasm.
Georgie: Okay. You're right. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. Tell me what you need. Your wish is my command.
Sheldon: That's better, thank you.

Penny: [answering video call, seeing Bernadette's case of pinkeye] Oh, my God.
Bernadette: Yeah, I got it, too.
Penny: Wow. You really can't keep your hands off Howard, can you?
Bernadette: I know, I have a problem.

Georgie: Hold up. I-I'm confused. You didn't want me at your wedding, but now that Mom won't come, you want me there.
Sheldon: I know you don't hear this a lot, but that is exactly right. Good job.
Leonard: Not helping, Sheldon.

Sheldon: This is all Georgie's fault. My whole childhood, he was mean to me.
Leonard: Sorry. I know what it's like to live with a bully.
Sheldon: Your brother bullied you?
Leonard: Oh, I was talking about Penny, but sure, yeah.