Sheldon: We might as well stop. It's a stalemate. You're beating me at tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler Elf.

Shopper: Excuse me, do you know anything about this stuff?
Sheldon: I know everything about this stuff.

Shopper: Which hard drive do I want? Firewire or USB?
Sheldon: It depends on what Bus you have.
Shopper: I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
Sheldon: Oh my God.

Howard: (Talking to his private parts) I'm doing this for you, Little Buddy. (Eats the Granola bar)

Sheldon: The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let's say that I go out and I spend 50 dollars on you. It's a laborious activity because I have to imagine what you need whereas you know what you need. Now I could simplify things, just give you the 50 dollars directly and then you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday and so on, until one of us dies leaving the other one old and 50 dollars richer. And I ask you is, it worth it?

Penny: I want to talk to you.
Sheldon: What would we talk about? We've no overlapping areas of interest I'm aware of,. and you know I don't care for chit-chat.

Leonard: Here you go, Copenhagen boy, how about a taste of Hans Christian Hand Grenade.

Leonard: Excuse me, my friend is having an allergic reaction to peanuts.
Althea: No, he's not.
Leonard: Yes he is.
Althea: Look, sir, we are very busy here and I just don't ... (Sees Howard's heavily swollen face) holy crap!

Sheldon: It's actually based on a very sound thesis. His mother published a paper on it.
Penny: What was it called? "I hate my son and that's why he can't have cake"?

Penny: He just doesn't know he wants one because he's never had one.
Howard: I suppose that's possible, but for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.

Leonard: Look, I am in the Halo battle of my life here. There's this kid in Copenhagen. He has no immune system so all he does is sit in his bubble and play Halo 24/7.
Howard: Can't you play him some other time?
Leonard: Not if you believe his doctors.

Leonard: Say what you will about the healthcare system in this country, but when they're afraid of lawsuits they sure test everything.
Howard: I really don't think the colonoscopy was necessary.