Raj: What's with him?
Leonard: Penny is keeping him up at night.
Howard: Me too. But probably in a different way.

Sheldon: Level 3 and she thinks she's rich. What a noob!

Leslie: Hello men. Sheldon.

Dr. Gablehauser: What colorful nickname did you call Dr. Cooper this time?
Leslie: Dr. Dumbass.

Sheldon: I'm surprised you struck out with Penny. Apparently she's a big ol' five.

Sheldon: Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Atzel's fortress. Now, this is a long run, so let's do another bladder check. All right, Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor.

Tom: I'm sorry, dude, she didn't look anything like her picture.
Leonard: They never do.

Leonard: Chosen by science?
Sheldon: Well, what passes for science on dating sites. They claim to use heuristic algorithms, but it may well be hokum.
Leonard: You got Penny to sign up for online dating?
Sheldon: No, of course not. No, I used trickery and deceit.

Sheldon: Sheldor, back online.
Penny: What's AFK?
Sheldon: AFK. Away from keyboard.
Penny: Oh, I see.
Sheldon: What does that stand for?
Penny: "Oh, I see"?
Sheldon: Yes, but what does it stand for?

Leonard: Wanna catch me up?
Sheldon: Well, let's see. She attempted to open her apartment with her car key because her face is overly Midwestern. She hasn't had sex in 6 months, and she ate a fly.
Leonard: Uh-huh. Seriously, 6 months?

Penny: Can we go talk in the living room?
Sheldon: I'm not wearing pajama bottoms.
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: I spilled grape juice.
Penny: Well, wear different pajamas.
Sheldon: I can't wear different pajamas. These are my Monday pajamas.

Sheldon: Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm.

Dr.Gablehauser: Need to get that, Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: God, no.
Leslie: Don't turn it off, you might miss the Nobel Prize Committee saying that you won "Dumbass Scientist of the Year."

Sheldon: Danger! Danger!

Sheldon: The Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.
Penny: Really? Boy, you'd think you could trust a horde of Hungarian barbarians.

Leonard: Why should I do something? You're the one who introduced her to online gaming.
Sheldon: Well, yes, but you're the one who said hello to her when she moved in. If you'd just simply restrained yourself, none of this would be happening.

Leonard: Why don't you just tell her to leave you alone?
Sheldon: I did. I told her, I texted her, I sent out a very emphatic Twitter. I even changed my Facebook status to Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone. I don't know what else to do.

Sheldon: You're in my bedroom.
Penny: Yeah, Leonard gave me an emergency key.
Sheldon: People can't be in my bedroom.

Wolowitz: It is I, Sir Howard of Wolowitz.

Penny: God, you know, I have been in L.A. for almost two years now, and I haven't got a single acting job. I have accomplished nothing, haven't gotten a raise at work, haven't even had sex in six months, and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it.
Sheldon: Well, actually, insects are a dietary staple in many cultures. They're almost pure protein.

Sheldon: Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly?
Penny: I can't get the damned key out.
Sheldon: Well that's not surprising. That Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge-mounted cylinders, whereas the key for your Volkswagon uses a center cylinder system.
Penny: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

Sheldon: Leonard, this is Tom.
Leonard: Hi, Tom. Sheldon? Didn't I explain to you about your little mistake in the cafeteria?
Sheldon: Yes, you were very clear. As was everyone else at the table. Tom, however, has been chosen by science as a suitable mate for Penny.

Sheldon: Anyhow, on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being always initiated by him, and 5 being always initiated by you, how do you prefer your sexual encounters to begin?
Penny: That's on the registration?
Sheldon: Oh yes, it's quite extensive. But if we complete it, we get a free expansion pack: 75 additional quests.
Penny: Ooh, awesome. Okay, I totally like to initiate, I'm a big old five.
Sheldon: Good to know. Big ol' five.

Sheldon: So listen, would you describe your ideal vacation as a wild adventure to unknown lands, or staying at home curled up with a good book?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: These are market research questions. I'm filling out the online registration for your game.
Penny: Oh, okay, wild adventure.

Leonard: Leslie, you are way off base here.
Sheldon: Hang on, Leonard, while I have no respect for Leslie as a scientist, or a human being for that matter, we have to concede her undeniable expertise in the interrelated fields of promiscuity and general sluttiness.
Leslie: Thank you. My point is that Tinkerbell just needs to get her some.
Sheldon: Some what? Oh, yes, some sexual intercourse.

Leonard: That's not what she's doing, Leslie. She's just trying to shore up her self esteem. It has nothing to do with sex.
Leslie: Everything has to do with sex.
Howard: Mmmm, testify. (Raises his hand for a high-five)
Leslie: I'm not touching that.

Leslie: Well, I would postulate that she's escaping into the online world to compensate for her sexual frustration.
Howard: I do that too. But probably in a different way.

Leonard: She's gotten really hooked on Age of Conan, she's playing non-stop.
Raj: Ah, yes, online gaming addiction. There's nothing worse than having that multi-player monkey on your back.

Leonard: Listen, Penny.
Penny: Uh, Queen Penelope AFK. What?
Leonard: Okay, um, here's the thing, um, sometimes people, good people, you know, they start playing these games and they find themselves through no fault of their own, you know, kind of, addicted.
Penny: Yeah, get to the point, I'm about to level up here.
Leonard: Well, i-i-it's just if a person doesn't have a sense of achievement in their real life it's easy to lose themselves in a virtual world where they get a false sense of accomplishment.
Penny: Yeah, jabber jabber jabber, okay boys, Queen Penelope's back online.

Leonard: Hey Penny.
Penny: Busy.
Leonard: Yeah, I see that. Shouldn't you be at work?
Penny: I don't work on Mondays.
Leonard: It's Thursday.

Leonard: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Sheldon: I don't know, but if you don't figure something out, I warn you I shall become very difficult to live with.
Leonard: You mean, up until now we've been experiencing the happy fun time Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: I'll go talk to her.

Leonard: Why don't you just tell her to leave you alone?
Sheldon: I did. I told her, I texted her, I sent out a very emphatic twitter. I even changed my Facebook status to Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone. I don't know what else to do.

Sheldon: Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She is interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work, and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too.
Leonard: Why should I do something? You're the one who introduced her to online gaming.
Sheldon: Well, yes, but you're the one who said hello to her when she moved in. If you'd simply restrained yourself none of this would be happening.

Sheldon: Here's the problem. I was clearly signed up to use the mainframe in Buckman 204, and Dr Winkle just wantonly ripped the sign-up sheet off the wall.
Leslie: It wasn't even an official sign-up sheet. He printed it himself and he put his name down in every slot for the next six months.
Sheldon: If it is a crime to ensure that the universities resources are not being squandered chasing sub-atomic wild geese then I plead guilty.

Sheldon: There you go, one enchanted sword.
Penny: Right, gimme, gimme, gimme, I want to kill the guard captain. (Leaves)
Sheldon: That girl needs to get a life.

Howard: What the frak?
Leonard: Beats me. They were playing all last night too.
Raj: It's like some kind of weird comic book crossover.
Howard: Like if Hulk were dating Peppermint Patty.
Raj: I always thought Peppermint Patty was a lesbian?
Leonard: No, that's Marcie. Peppermint Patty's just athletic.

Penny: Okay, look, I bought the game, and I've been exploring the Island of Tordage but I can't figure out how to get past the guard captain.
Sheldon: Do you have the enchanted sword?
Penny: No. No, I have a bronze dagger.
Sheldon: You can't slay the guard captain with a bronze dagger. My Lord, it's like the car key in your apartment door all over again.

Penny: Listen, I need to talk to Sheldon.
Howard: (Raj whispers in his ear) No, that's what she said, Sheldon.

Sheldon: I believe the condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag. But returning to your key conundrum, perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you.
Penny: I did, and he said he'll get here when he gets here.
Sheldon: And you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology?
Penny: No! I am frustrated because I am a failure at everything and my breath smells like fly.

Penny: No, Fritz, I need you on my flank. No, I don't know German. Flankenzie, flankenzie!

Sheldon: Point of inquiry, why did you put your car key in the door lock?
Penny: Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?
Sheldon: Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...
Penny: I know what it means, Sheldon!