Leonard: Wow, teasing the guys at the Apple Store seems a little redundant now.
Sheldon: I don't follow.
Leonard: I wouldn't expect you to.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, this is the Coast Starlight, one of the great American trains operating on one of the classic American routes. On this side, you'll see panoramic ocean vistas inaccessible to any other form of transportation, while on your side, you'll be treated to 350 miles of Costcos, Jiffy Lubes, and cinderblock homes with above-ground pools.

Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance. I've actually got a shot with a Terminator.
Raj: Oh, please. When it comes to Terminators, you've got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Penny: (Bringing a pink suitcase) Here you go, Leonard. Is this going to be big enough?
Leonard: It's perfect.
Howard: For taking daffodils to your unicorn.

Penny: Oh, I love San Francisco. I wish I was going with you.
Sheldon: I understand your envy. This is a can't miss symposium. There are going to be discussions on bio-organic cellular computer devices, the advancements in multi-threaded task completion, plus a round table on the non-equilibrium Green's function approach to the photoionization process in atoms.
Penny: When I go, I usually just get hammered and ride the cable cars.

Sheldon: George Smoot is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, one of the great minds of our time. His work in black body form and anisotropy of the cosmic microwave background radiation cemented our understanding of the origin of the universe.
Penny: It's kind of a funny name, though, Smoot.
Sheldon: It's like talking to a chimp.
Penny: Okay, now that I've been completely insulted, have a good flight.

Leonard: Hey, we're all going over to the Apple store to make fun of the guys at the Genius Bar. You want to come?
Sheldon: Oh, I always enjoy that, but I'm a little busy.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm simplifying the task of packing for our trip. See, by attaching RFID tags to my clothing, it will enable my laptop to read and identify the items with this wand. I will then cross-reference them against destination, anticipated activity spectrum, weather conditions, duration of trip, et cetera.
Leonard: Well, that does sound much simpler. How long is this going to take?
Sheldon: Assuming I can keep up this pace, three hours, 11 minutes. Plus however long it takes to conclude this fairly pointless conversation.

Sheldon: That's over the wheelbase. Are you completely unfamiliar with the suspension characteristics of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach?
Leonard: Sheldon, we've been on this train 90 seconds, and you've already said a thousand words. Just tell us where to sit and shut up.

Sheldon: Here. I'm hoping once you reap the endorphic rewards of the steady clickety-clack of steel wheels on polished rails, your sour disposition will abate.
Leonard: Yeah, maybe. Meanwhile back in the 21st century, people are raising their tray tables and putting their seat-backs in an upright position 'cause it's time to land in San Francisco.

Raj: It's not so bad, really. At least these trains have modern plumbing. In India, you squat over a hole in the train and expose your naked buttocks to the chilly air of Rajasthan.
Sheldon: He is referring, of course, to third class on Indian Railways' magnificent Ranakpur Express and its twelve hundred kilometer journey from Maharashtra to the Bikaner Junction.
Leonard: Oh, look, now he's boring on an international scale.

Howard: What would Summer Glau be doing riding the train?
Leonard: Maybe John Connor's aboard and shes protecting him from an evil Terminator.
Sheldon: Unlikely. That's a television show, Leonard.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that's Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don't kill me! I'm pro-robot! Argh!

Howard: You're overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she#s willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.

Sheldon: I'm confused. I thought you were involved in some sort of socially intimate pairing with Leslie Winkle.
Howard: Sheldon, let me explain to you how this works.
Sheldon: All right.
Howard: That's Summer Glau.
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: That's it.

Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don't I get a shot?
Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot.
Leonard: You know, I've already got a gorgeous blond back home that I can't score with. I think I'll let you two take this one.

Raj: Sheldon, is there a place on this train to get alcohol?
Sheldon: Interesting that you ask. The Coast Starlight recently added the refurbished Pacific Parlour Car. Built in 1956 and originally known as the Santa Fe Lounge Car, the lower level is a theater-
Raj: Yeah-yeah, which way?
Sheldon: --and the upper level is a bar that offers wine tastings if you're going as far as Portland.