Wolowitz: But you love that spot.
Sheldon: No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater.

Penny: OK Sheldon, what can I get ya?
Sheldon: Alcohol.
Penny: Could you be a little more specific?
Sheldon: Ethyl alcohol, 40 millilitres.

Penny: Sheldon, you can't re-program people.
Sheldon: No, you can't re-program people.

Sheldon: If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we would all have a merry Christmas.

Raj: I can't talk to the FBI.
Howard: Why? They're just going to ask background questions about me.
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.

Sheldon: And here is my Justice League membership card, but that doesn't prove I know Batman.

Leonard: I'm going to pick you up at 8. I'm going to show you a night that you will never forget.
Raj: (Excitedly) Where are we going?

Raj: I haven't cried this hard since Toy Story 3.

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz e-lec-tric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will nev-er for-get.

Sheldon: I believe you were about to ask me to choose a cocktail. Fortunately, thanks to computer-savvy alcoholics, there's an app for that.

Raj: Please don't send me back to India, it's so crowded! Its like the whole country's one endless Comic-Con, except everybody is wearing the same costume; Indian guy!

Sheldon: Now to business. Eighteen years ago, I sent the FBI Crime Lab samples from a bag of excrement that had been lit on fire on my front porch for fingerprinting and DNA analysis. Why haven't I heard back yet?
Agent Page: Well, the FBI Crime Lab does have a lot on its plate.
Sheldon: That's of little comfort to a nation attempting to scrape burning faeces off its shoes.

Sheldon: I don't understand why you people are picking on my friend, Howard, when there are much more serious security threats to pursue. For instance, when I first met Leonard, he was on the verge of giving away rocket secrets to a North Korean spy, and not one agent ever investigated that.
Agent Page: This is Leonard Hofstadter?
Sheldon: No, it's a different Leonard. He's Chinese, red hair, six fingers. Good-bye.

Sheldon: Howard, the person at fault for you not getting a security clearance is me.
Howard: You?
Sheldon: Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I went to the FBI and retracted my statement.
Howard: And they were okay with that?
Sheldon: No. If anything, I made it worse.

Penny: You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.