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Quotes from ‘The Apology Insufficiency’

The Apology Insufficiency

'The Apology Insufficiency' - Season 4, Episode 7

When Howard needs top-level security clearance for a DoD project, his friends are interviewed by an FBI agent but one of their interviews puts Howard's job prospects in danger.

Air Date: November 4, 2010.

Quote from Sheldon

Wolowitz: But you love that spot.
Sheldon: No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: OK Sheldon, what can I get ya?
Sheldon: Alcohol.
Penny: Could you be a little more specific?
Sheldon: Ethyl alcohol, 40 millilitres.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, you can't re-program people.
Sheldon: No, you can't re-program people.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I haven't cried this hard since Toy Story 3.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we would all have a merry Christmas.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And here is my Justice League membership card, but that doesn't prove I know Batman.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I can't talk to the FBI.
Howard: Why? They're just going to ask background questions about me.
Raj: I'm brown and I talk funny.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'm going to pick you up at 8. I'm going to show you a night that you will never forget.
Raj: (Excitedly) Where are we going?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz e-lec-tric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will nev-er for-get.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Please don't send me back to India, it's so crowded! Its like the whole country's one endless Comic-Con, except everybody is wearing the same costume; Indian guy!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I believe you were about to ask me to choose a cocktail. Fortunately, thanks to computer-savvy alcoholics, there's an app for that.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Now to business. Eighteen years ago, I sent the FBI Crime Lab samples from a bag of excrement that had been lit on fire on my front porch for fingerprinting and DNA analysis. Why haven't I heard back yet?
Agent Page: Well, the FBI Crime Lab does have a lot on its plate.
Sheldon: That's of little comfort to a nation attempting to scrape burning faeces off its shoes.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Howard, the person at fault for you not getting a security clearance is me.
Howard: You?
Sheldon: Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I went to the FBI and retracted my statement.
Howard: And they were okay with that?
Sheldon: No. If anything, I made it worse.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: How long was it?
Leonard: 94 seconds.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'd like to offer a laudatory statement about Howard's many excellent qualities that I believe will tip the scales back in his favor. Howard Joewl Wolowitz. H is for honesty, of which he has much. O's for outstanding, which he is such. W's for witty, he's quick with a joke. A's for artistic, his ability-
Agent Page: I'm sorry, Dr. Cooper, this matter is already closed.
Sheldon: But I still have rd Joel Wolowitz to go.

Quote from Raj

Raj: It doesn't matter. They'll find a way to give me a one-way ticket back to Ghandiville. And by the way, when I say that it's not offensive.

Quote from Sheldon

Agent Page: I just want to ask you a few questions about Howard Wolowitz.
Sheldon: Oh, all right. I doubt anyone would risk the stiff penalties for impersonating a federal officer just to ask questions about a minor league engineer with an unresolved Oedipal complex.

Quote from Sheldon

Agent Page: Would you characterize him as responsible?
Sheldon: I'm going to answer this with a visual aid. This my nine-disc complete Lord of the Rings trilogy Blu-ray box-set. Mr Wolowitz borrowed it, damaged plastic retention hub number three, and then returned it to me hoping I wouldn't notice. Would you characterize that as responsible?
Agent Page: That's really not the kind of thing we're interested in.
Sheldon: You heard me say Blu-ray, right?

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
Leonard: Really? Maybe sleep has met you before.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: No, seriously, I think I've finally figured out my problem with women.
Sheldon: The capybara is the largest member of the rodent family.
Leonard: What does that have to do with me and women?
Sheldon: Nothing. It was a desperate attempt to introduce an alternate topic of conversation.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Don’t be ridiculous, Raj. You’re here legally.
Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, I try very hard to make our lunch hours educational and informative, but your insistence on talking about your own lives stymies me at every turn.
Leonard: Fine, Sheldon, tell us about your giant rodents.
Sheldon: No, you squandered your time with me, and the moment has now passed. Feast on your disappointment, much as the capybara feasts on its own waste.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: So, when Howard said the FBI would be contacting me, I was expecting Mulder. Glad to see I got Scully.
Agent Page: Who?
Leonard: Mulder and Scully. X-Files. The truth is out there. Never mind.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Want to get that?
Sheldon: Not particularly.
Leonard: Could you get that?
Sheldon: I suppose I could if I were asked.
Leonard: Would you please get that?
Sheldon: Of course. Why do you have to make things so complicated?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Would you be interested in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz once snuck onto my World of Warcraft account and changed the name of a certain level-80 warlock from Sheldor to Smeldor?
Agent Page: I'm afraid not. Is there anything else?
Sheldon: Is there anything else? Where would you like to start? He refuses to pay fines when he's overdue with books I lend him. He crashed the Mars Rover while attempting to impress a woman. He recommended that I go see the third Matrix movie because it was, and I quote, just as good as the first one. If that's not irresponsible, I don't know what is.
Agent Page: The Mars Rover?
Sheldon: Did I say Mars Rover?
Agent Page: You did.
Sheldon: That was actually a poorly chosen example, as it had nothing to do with me.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Why can't you sleep?
Sheldon: Who knows? I haven't watched any scary movies recently. I'm no longer obsessing over why the predicted mass of the quantum vacuum has little effect on the expansion of the universe. And it's been weeks since I took that accidental sip of Red Bull.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Thank you for agreeing to see me, Agent Page.
Agent Page: Thank you for filing a complaint with my superior, Dr. Cooper. I understand you want to recant your statement about Howard Wolowitz.
Sheldon: Yes.
Agent Page: Was your statement untrue?
Sheldon: No.
Agent Page: Then I'm afraid you can't withdraw it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I don't recall you saying no backsies.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I don't understand why you people are picking on my friend, Howard, when there are much more serious security threats to pursue. For instance, when I first met Leonard, he was on the verge of giving away rocket secrets to a North Korean spy, and not one agent ever investigated that.
Agent Page: This is Leonard Hofstadter?
Sheldon: No, it's a different Leonard. He's Chinese, red hair, six fingers. Good-bye.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I'm sorry, honey, I don't know milliliters.
Sheldon: Ah. Blame President James “Jimmy” Carter. He started America on a path to the metric system but then just gave up. He wonders why he was a one-term president.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Let’s see. Harvey Wallbanger. Eh. Sex on the Beach. I hardly think so. Rob Roy, Silk Slipper, Mad Hatter. Ooh! I'll have a Rosewater Ricky.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, sometimes stuff just happens, and there's nothing you can do about it. For example, Lisa Peterson hasn't talked to me since the 11th grade, because no matter how much you apologize, you can't go back and un-dry-hump someone's boyfriend.
Sheldon: I see. You're saying I'm facing Starfleet Academy's unwinnable command scenario, the Kobayashi Maru.
Penny: Exactly. Sometimes you can't win.
Sheldon: Captain Kirk won.
Penny: Kirk cheated.
Sheldon: Impressive that you know that. It's hard to believe I'm actually having this conversation with you.
Penny: Right there with you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Howard, you're feeling better about me today, aren't you?
Howard: Not really.
Sheldon: Yes, you are. I'm using neurolinguistic programming to modify your thought patterns.
Howard: Oh. Go away, Sheldon.
Sheldon: There's a nine-ninety-five e-book down the drain.

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