<< Return to the episode guide

Quotes from ‘The Infestation Hypothesis’

The Infestation Hypothesis

'The Infestation Hypothesis' - Season 5, Episode 2

Amy is caught in the middle of an argument between Sheldon and Penny after she takes in furniture from the street. Meanwhile, Leonard tries to spice up his long-distance relationship with Priya.

Air Date: September 22, 2011.

Quote from Amy

Amy: You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is symptomatic of obsessive-compulsive disorder?
Sheldon: Is not. Is not. Is not.
Amy: Denial. Denial. Denial.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time! You fixate on some crazy idea then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I've ever done that.
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you thought North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you thought were human nuggets. The mysterious cloud that was following you around town. Or the time you put my shirt on by accident and thought you were growing again.
Sheldon: I said name one. You need to work on your listening skills.

Quote from Penny

Penny: What's up, buttercup?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Kiss me where I've never been kissed before?
Sheldon: You mean like Salt Lake City?

Quote from Penny

Penny: What's the gist, physicist?

Quote from Howard

Howard: When you say making it work, does that include doing the cyber nasty?
Leonard: What?
Howard: You know, the virtual pickle tickle. The digital bow-chacka-bow-wow.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Come on dude, that's my sister you're talking about.
Howard: Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with than him actually touching her with it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I've been sitting in garbage!

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: You're a woman, and I'm going to make you feel things you have never felt before. That's right, say my name, and beg me for more because I'm going to give it to you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, there you are. I need you to check my head for chair lice.
Leonard: I did it last night, I'm not doing it again.
Howard: Just his head, right?
Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. You didn't catch bugs from Penny's chair.
Sheldon: Yes, I did. And now they're cavorting at the base of my hair follicles, like dancing hippies at the Redwood National Forest.
Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time. You fixate on some crazy idea and then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I have ever done that.
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you were convinced that North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you were sure were human nuggets. The strangely shaped cloud that was following you around town. The time you put on my shirt by mistake and were convinced that you started growing again.
Sheldon: I said name one. You really need to work on your listening skills.

Quote from Penny

Penny: What's the word, hummingbird?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I miss the days when your romantic partners could be returned to the video store.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Well, if you don't, you're gonna lose Priya to some fancy guy in a turban who grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books.
Raj: How can you be so racist? Howard: Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If your video's frozen try re-setting the TCP/IP stack.

Quote from Dr. Koothrappali

Dr. Koothrappali: Hello, Leonard, if I may also say your name.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You need to remove that chair from the building. It’s a health hazard.
Penny: Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers, had them dry-cleaned and then fumigated the cushions.
Sheldon: Really?
Penny: Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch. Found half a Hot Pocket in there.
Sheldon: It certainly looks okay. Has a strong toxic chemical smell. That's reassuring.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: It's like living with a Chihuahua.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Under my authority as a self-appointed member of the Centers for Disease Control street team, these premises are condemned. (Penny tries to close the door) As a man with a keen sense of style, I must tell you, that chair does not work with the room.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: You’re good friends with Penny, right?
Amy: Best friends, besties, BFFs, peas in a pod, sisters who would share traveling pants. Go on.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I was hoping she might listen to you about the dangers of owning unhygienic furniture.
Amy: For general educational purposes, or has she acquired a bar stool dipped in cholera?
Sheldon: Cholera is water-borne. You're mocking me.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Will you listen to me play my harp now?
Sheldon: No. I dislike the sound of the harp. Its overuse in classic television sitcoms always makes me think I'm going to experience an episode from my past.

Quote from Howard

Raj: I'll try it. Like this?
Howard: Almost. Really get your tongue in there, to activate the motion sensor.
Raj: Like this?
Howard: Close. Really French it.
Raj: Better?
Howard: Yeah, you got it, you got it.
Raj: I'm impressed. This is very lifelike.
Howard: Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
Raj: I, I nibbled. I was being playful.
Howard: Why do you have to make everything weird?
Raj: Sorry. Better?
Howard: Oh, yeah.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Pretty cool, huh? Probably would cost, like, two hundred bucks in a store.
Amy: I do appreciate a bargain. This entire ensemble once belonged to my dead grandmother.
Penny: You're kidding.
Amy: Everything except bra and panties. And they're a leopard-spotted secret I share with Victoria.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: You know, some people might say that it's great that we're trying to make things work long distance. They'd say things like, love is stronger than the miles between you.
Sheldon: When I rise to power, those people will be sterilized.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: All right. Shirt coming off. Ta-da! Man nipples.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Leonard: Oh, uh, Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype, and we are gonna have a dinner date.
Sheldon: It’s eight o'clock in the morning in Mumbai. How can she have dinner?
Leonard: Fine, whatever. Priya will be having breakfast.
Sheldon: All right, so technically it's not a dinner date. I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date. But if you did, you'd open yourself to peer-based mocking, such as, "Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night?"
Leonard: That doesn't sound like mocking.
Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. Dinfast (rolls eyes).

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Are those soy-based candles?
Leonard: I don't know. Why?
Sheldon: Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens. Unless lung cancer is the ambiance you were going for at your dinfast. Dinfast (rolls eyes).

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Listen, I don't want to be rude, but Priya's gonna be calling any minute, so...
Sheldon: Oh, yes, Priya. Leonard, you know I make a point of never interfering in your personal affairs.
Leonard: Yes, I've always admired that about you.
Sheldon: As well you should. But I'm going to make an exception here.
Leonard: Oh, good.
Sheldon: Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career. Instead of desperately trying to keep this intercontinental relationship alive, you could use that time to take up a hobby.
Leonard: A hobby?
Sheldon: Yes. I read recently about a fellow in Kansas with an enormous ball of twine. I bet you could give him a run for his money.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: You video-chat with Amy all the time. How is this different?
Sheldon: Don't you like Amy?
Leonard: Of course I like Amy.
Sheldon: Well, there's the difference.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend.
Penny: Oh, it's no problem. It's actually kind of nice. You reading, me reading. We're like an old married couple.
Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store.
Penny: I want a divorce.
Sheldon: Good. On the way to see the lawyer, pick up some tea and cookies.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I must say, I am enjoying your new chair.
Penny: It's great, isn't it?
Sheldon: It is. Aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks. This is a chair worthy of the name.
Penny: What name?
Sheldon: Chair.

Quote from Howard

Raj: This is fun. I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before.
Howard: Pretty sweet, huh? This little baby set the university back 175 grand.
Leonard: That's three minutes. Should we see what we got?
Howard: Hang on.
Raj: Oh, yeah. This is one good-looking panini.
Howard: Hand me the tuna melt.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Please let me know when you and your girlfriend are done hogging the bandwidth for your self-abuse. I'm trying to stream a movie on Netflix in here.

< Return to the episode guide

Submit Quotes